So I sing a bit. My friend Mark whom I sing with, invited me to come to an old fashioned sing along down at a little church near the beach. Fun right? I thought, oh the kids will enjoy this!
So we head down to the beach church and are singing along. It really was great. Fun musicians, fun music, great setting, beautiful day. We were all sitting in a circle on the church grounds behind the parsonage.
I am singing and look up and see Henry standing not far from the group with his back to us...looking a little suspicious....I tilt my head with a pensive look and then realize HE IS PEEING ON THE MINISTERS FLOWER GARDEN!
The look of HORROR on my face registered to the person across from me who followed my gaze to see my son pants half down watering the garden. She started to laugh and gave me a thumbs up....(this was clearly not the ministers wife!)
My face got so red and I tried to just keep singing hoping it would be over before anyone else noticed. It was like a scene from Austin Powers where the pee went on forever....(at least it seemed that way to me.)
I leaned over to my husband and whispered as harshly as I could "Stop him and tell him not to do that"
My husband, in between hysterical laughing whispered back "I can't stop him now, he would turn around and pee on everyone"
Needless to say...I am not sure if I dare go back to the sing along...I don't know if anyone else noticed.... but our whole family did.... Thanks Henry for eliminating one more venue from our event calendar!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
An Ag Teacher Henry is NOT
So the other day we were headed to the beach. We drove down a long road near our house that has a couple of farms on it. We pass one and it had cows and their babies...and one baby was feeding from its mother.
Now, the thing about Henry is....he is really observant...I mean REALLY observant. we can't take walks without having to inspect every facet of a spider web or ant hill. I am a nature girl, and even I, after having to study the underside of an interesting leaf for 10 minutes, want to move on.
Henry of course noticed the Mamma Cow and her baby and let out an "awwwwwww, did you see that?"
I said "yes wasn't that cute?"
My daughter who was busy texting away, barely noticing that she was even in a moving vehicle said"what?"
Henry said "It was a giant Deer milking its cub!"
Hmmmmm me thinks my teaching career has come to an end...
Now, the thing about Henry is....he is really observant...I mean REALLY observant. we can't take walks without having to inspect every facet of a spider web or ant hill. I am a nature girl, and even I, after having to study the underside of an interesting leaf for 10 minutes, want to move on.
Henry of course noticed the Mamma Cow and her baby and let out an "awwwwwww, did you see that?"
I said "yes wasn't that cute?"
My daughter who was busy texting away, barely noticing that she was even in a moving vehicle said"what?"
Henry said "It was a giant Deer milking its cub!"
Hmmmmm me thinks my teaching career has come to an end...
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wrestling the Demon Cats
So I had to take the Cats to the Vet this morning, and as I lay here in recovery I would like to tell the Vet...THIS IS WHY I CAN'T GET HERE MORE OFTEN....DON'T JUDGE ME!
It sounds like a simple task, getting your cute little kitties to the vet...but let me tell you this is a total process. I have two cats. That are, on any given day of the week or year, very loving and sweet cats. They don't scratch, pee where they aren't supposed to, they even spoon with me when I am sick. HOWEVER, when they know that somethings up...it is a whole different ball game.
I had to start three days before, when I stealthily took out the cat carriers and put them in the living room....just let them sit there for a few days. If I wait until the day of, they know, and run away.
Then I didn't put any food in their bowls last night....now don't get all PETA on me, they weigh about 17 pounds, so neither of them is going to starve one night without food.
About an hour before I had to leave, I put food in their bowls knowing they would come running. Then I ran around the house shutting all the doors to all the rooms and blocking the cat door that leads to the basement.
This is where the fun begins, because they just saw me do that...and now...They know...They managed to get under Henry's bed because he was trying to "help" by trapping them. So after going under the bed with a broom stick and chasing them out I had to slam the door to make sure there was no escape.
Sugar Ray, the more amicable of the two, (only because he is too lazy to really fight too hard,) I managed to get in his cage on try number two, having expended all the energy he felt he wanted to on the first wrestle.
But Target? Well I think perhaps that he is having issues with his name .... He is a whole other story...I have never seen a small cat weigh as much or be as strong as this animal...being the more skittish of the two it was a real treat to get him in.
This is where I would have benefited from watching the WWF in the 80's.
After chasing him down and cornering him, I try to get my hands on him. His fur is like bunny fur, it is so slick that it makes it hard to hold onto him..and he has the special cat power of Fur Release. So as soon as two hands got on him he pressed his magical button and furs me, head to toe.
I find myself out of breath lying on the living room floor in a cloud of fur and Target is on the stairs. (how he got there, I have no idea because I am holding what looks like a cat worth of fur in my hands) He is calmly looking down at me...clearly saying "Oh were you trying to get me?????"
Eventually I got a hold of him with a lot of sweet talking and slow moving. I shoved his head in the box and immediately his butt swelled up to about 3 times its normal size. (It reminds me of me on vacation.)
I tried to push his butt in the carrier. Somehow pushing on his butt is like a lever that makes his back legs splay out. At which point all the talons came out full fledged and latched on to anything in the vicinity, arms, shirts, couches, rug.....and by the time I got them out of one thing, they were Velcroed onto another.
Occasionally I got one back leg in, and the front leg from the other side came out. This wrestling match went on easily 5-10 minutes, and again, with a pile of fur in the carrier I shut the door only to find him sitting calmly on the stairs looking down at me curiously. DAMN....
After another match with the Target, I sit with sweat dripping down my face making the fur stick to my body, and bloody scratches on my legs and arms, but he is in the carrier....
I walked into the vet looking like some crazed maniac that has just come out of her Yurt in the woods with a wild bobcats that I want to make my pets. The vet just looks at me skeptically and starts sweet talking the talon exposing demons that I have in the carriers, and eyeballing me like I might be some sort of derelict...Little does he know that I was just in a standoff in my living room with the guards of gates of hell. Of course at the end of the appointment when its time to go home, he just slips the cats in their boxes easy as can be and they mew politely.
Grudge holding has occurred, and after letting Target out of his box when we got home, he looked at me with distain and vowed that next time he would go for the eyeballs. I haven't seen him since, and am pretty sure he is in his lair drawing up his plans for next time.
It sounds like a simple task, getting your cute little kitties to the vet...but let me tell you this is a total process. I have two cats. That are, on any given day of the week or year, very loving and sweet cats. They don't scratch, pee where they aren't supposed to, they even spoon with me when I am sick. HOWEVER, when they know that somethings up...it is a whole different ball game.
I had to start three days before, when I stealthily took out the cat carriers and put them in the living room....just let them sit there for a few days. If I wait until the day of, they know, and run away.
Then I didn't put any food in their bowls last night....now don't get all PETA on me, they weigh about 17 pounds, so neither of them is going to starve one night without food.
About an hour before I had to leave, I put food in their bowls knowing they would come running. Then I ran around the house shutting all the doors to all the rooms and blocking the cat door that leads to the basement.
This is where the fun begins, because they just saw me do that...and now...They know...They managed to get under Henry's bed because he was trying to "help" by trapping them. So after going under the bed with a broom stick and chasing them out I had to slam the door to make sure there was no escape.
Sugar Ray, the more amicable of the two, (only because he is too lazy to really fight too hard,) I managed to get in his cage on try number two, having expended all the energy he felt he wanted to on the first wrestle.
But Target? Well I think perhaps that he is having issues with his name .... He is a whole other story...I have never seen a small cat weigh as much or be as strong as this animal...being the more skittish of the two it was a real treat to get him in.
This is where I would have benefited from watching the WWF in the 80's.
After chasing him down and cornering him, I try to get my hands on him. His fur is like bunny fur, it is so slick that it makes it hard to hold onto him..and he has the special cat power of Fur Release. So as soon as two hands got on him he pressed his magical button and furs me, head to toe.
I find myself out of breath lying on the living room floor in a cloud of fur and Target is on the stairs. (how he got there, I have no idea because I am holding what looks like a cat worth of fur in my hands) He is calmly looking down at me...clearly saying "Oh were you trying to get me?????"
Eventually I got a hold of him with a lot of sweet talking and slow moving. I shoved his head in the box and immediately his butt swelled up to about 3 times its normal size. (It reminds me of me on vacation.)
I tried to push his butt in the carrier. Somehow pushing on his butt is like a lever that makes his back legs splay out. At which point all the talons came out full fledged and latched on to anything in the vicinity, arms, shirts, couches, rug.....and by the time I got them out of one thing, they were Velcroed onto another.
Occasionally I got one back leg in, and the front leg from the other side came out. This wrestling match went on easily 5-10 minutes, and again, with a pile of fur in the carrier I shut the door only to find him sitting calmly on the stairs looking down at me curiously. DAMN....
After another match with the Target, I sit with sweat dripping down my face making the fur stick to my body, and bloody scratches on my legs and arms, but he is in the carrier....
By the time that I got them into the carriers and into the car, they were mad, I was mad and we were late. They continued to meow the entire way to the vet....which I am quite certain was less meowing and more cussing me out.
I walked into the vet looking like some crazed maniac that has just come out of her Yurt in the woods with a wild bobcats that I want to make my pets. The vet just looks at me skeptically and starts sweet talking the talon exposing demons that I have in the carriers, and eyeballing me like I might be some sort of derelict...Little does he know that I was just in a standoff in my living room with the guards of gates of hell. Of course at the end of the appointment when its time to go home, he just slips the cats in their boxes easy as can be and they mew politely.
Grudge holding has occurred, and after letting Target out of his box when we got home, he looked at me with distain and vowed that next time he would go for the eyeballs. I haven't seen him since, and am pretty sure he is in his lair drawing up his plans for next time.
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Good Father
So the other morning we had terrible rain storms. The kind where the rain beats against the windows and thunder and lightening are crashing.
It mildly woke me up, but I was so tired, I just stayed with my eyes closed.
I started to hear this whispering in my door. I figured it was Henry so I tried to pretend I was still asleep....
What I was tired and he wasn't crying or anything, I figured I could ignore him for a short while....
Anyway, I kept hearing him run down the hall and then come back to our door and whisper...I finally started to feel a little guilty that I wasn't paying enough attention...and the whispering was getting annoying.
I finally asked Henry if he needed something...he ran over to the bed and said "The lightening is hitting my windows and I don't want the glass to fall on me"
I allowed as to how the lightening wasn't hitting the windows it was the rain, but of course let the little terrified Henry into bed, and managed to get back to sleep for a couple more hours.
Then next morning on my way to the bathroom I see the huge pile of stuffed animals in my doorway...
"Henry, why are all your stuffed animals in our hallway?"
"I was evacuating them mom, I didn't want the lightening to break the windows and cut them"
What a good little daddy....
It mildly woke me up, but I was so tired, I just stayed with my eyes closed.
I started to hear this whispering in my door. I figured it was Henry so I tried to pretend I was still asleep....
What I was tired and he wasn't crying or anything, I figured I could ignore him for a short while....
Anyway, I kept hearing him run down the hall and then come back to our door and whisper...I finally started to feel a little guilty that I wasn't paying enough attention...and the whispering was getting annoying.
I finally asked Henry if he needed something...he ran over to the bed and said "The lightening is hitting my windows and I don't want the glass to fall on me"
I allowed as to how the lightening wasn't hitting the windows it was the rain, but of course let the little terrified Henry into bed, and managed to get back to sleep for a couple more hours.
Then next morning on my way to the bathroom I see the huge pile of stuffed animals in my doorway...
"Henry, why are all your stuffed animals in our hallway?"
"I was evacuating them mom, I didn't want the lightening to break the windows and cut them"
What a good little daddy....
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Big Bottoms
So Henry came into the bathroom and went potty while I was brushing my teeth. (An always pleasant experience...I am not sure why he doesn't us HIS bathroom)
As he was leaving I noticed the seat up, and I have on a few occasions "fallen in" lately in the middle of the night.
So I politely turn to Henry and said "Buddy, you need to put the seat down after you potty."
He looked at me all irritated and said "But Why?"
"Because we have 3 girls in this house who don't go potty with the seat up and they don't want to fall in."
He looks at me and smiles and says "OH MOM, you aren't going to fall in your butt is too big."
So much for me feeling good in my jeans! ;-)
As he was leaving I noticed the seat up, and I have on a few occasions "fallen in" lately in the middle of the night.
So I politely turn to Henry and said "Buddy, you need to put the seat down after you potty."
He looked at me all irritated and said "But Why?"
"Because we have 3 girls in this house who don't go potty with the seat up and they don't want to fall in."
He looks at me and smiles and says "OH MOM, you aren't going to fall in your butt is too big."
So much for me feeling good in my jeans! ;-)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Radio Stations to Stay Away From
Yesterday the fam and I were on our way home from church, and headed over to my grandmothers house. Henry begs to listen to 97.9. Which on many occasions of my protesting I have heard:
"But MOOOOOOOOM, our bus driver lets us listen to 97 dot 9"
I figure if his as old as my mom bus driver, lets him listen, then....well...I kinda have to be at least as cool as his bus driver. I am keenly aware that my "cool mom" status is quickly running out, as my 12 year old daughter looks at me with disdain (insert rolling eyes here.)
So we are listening to some song that I am trying to ignore the words to, and Henry doesn't seem to know them either, so I am good...he mostly waits patiently to hear "Dyn-o-mite." It wasn't too bad.
I do tend to turn into "Mom the headmistress" when there is songs about taking clothes off on the dance floor because I can see my "country music only" husbands head start to implode. But ultimately I try to be understanding, as a kid who listened to the Sex Pistols, the Dead Kennedy's and the Butt Hole Surfers...by virtue of the "kids pay you back for all your childhood mischief" rule, I need to allow some lenience.
THEN...
Came the Ad... for TROJAN's. Now I am not a prude or anything, but the ad itself was a little much, and frankly, a lot much for my 5 and 9 year old.
I said "OK, time to turn the channel"
Henry says "Why? I want a Trojan, you can't even feel it is there"
Seriously?
So much for him not really listening!
"But MOOOOOOOOM, our bus driver lets us listen to 97 dot 9"
I figure if his as old as my mom bus driver, lets him listen, then....well...I kinda have to be at least as cool as his bus driver. I am keenly aware that my "cool mom" status is quickly running out, as my 12 year old daughter looks at me with disdain (insert rolling eyes here.)
So we are listening to some song that I am trying to ignore the words to, and Henry doesn't seem to know them either, so I am good...he mostly waits patiently to hear "Dyn-o-mite." It wasn't too bad.
I do tend to turn into "Mom the headmistress" when there is songs about taking clothes off on the dance floor because I can see my "country music only" husbands head start to implode. But ultimately I try to be understanding, as a kid who listened to the Sex Pistols, the Dead Kennedy's and the Butt Hole Surfers...by virtue of the "kids pay you back for all your childhood mischief" rule, I need to allow some lenience.
THEN...
Came the Ad... for TROJAN's. Now I am not a prude or anything, but the ad itself was a little much, and frankly, a lot much for my 5 and 9 year old.
I said "OK, time to turn the channel"
Henry says "Why? I want a Trojan, you can't even feel it is there"
Seriously?
So much for him not really listening!
Friday, September 24, 2010
The Nature Walk
So today was the Hubsters birthday. I baked bread, made dinner, baked a cake...and for the first time since Soccer season really got going, we sat down as a family at the TABLE and ate together.
We were asking the kids about their days at school and what they learned.
Henry apparently went on a nature walk with his class. Where he saw a deer and a moose.
Don't get too excited yet.
He held his hands out about 1 foot apart and said "They were this big" and then he continued "The deer was just a baby because I saw it hatch out of its egg..."
huh, Kindergarten is working...right????
We were asking the kids about their days at school and what they learned.
Henry apparently went on a nature walk with his class. Where he saw a deer and a moose.
Don't get too excited yet.
He held his hands out about 1 foot apart and said "They were this big" and then he continued "The deer was just a baby because I saw it hatch out of its egg..."
huh, Kindergarten is working...right????
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
On Becoming a Soccer Mom
OK so as you may or may not have figured out, being a Soccer mom is a little out of the box for me...I am not sure that I have sporty enough attire and matching tennis shoes for the job...but none the less, I found my self scheduling my life around 5...yes that is 5 soccer games last weekend.
I am not sure what has happened to sports for the young since I was...young that is...But apparently now, all our young folks starting at 6 months, are “in training” to become the next Pele, Elway or Phelps. I say this with love in my heart for all those parents who are putting their eggs in that basket...Seriously????
I know after this weekend that Henry's basket has no eggs in it for soccer. His first soccer game was spent, doing lots of antics, and getting lots of laughs from the sideline, but not a whole lot of soccer playing. He was dancing, running off the sidelines and "chatting" with random people.
Mind you I was not close enough to hear the conversation, but I saw the confused look on the random Dads face that he picked to go and tell his story to. Lord only knows what he was talking about...I am just praying he was not being the Robot from the planet Shnerp with him...(I believe that is saved only for his Goddess Teacher, but still, I am a little concerned.)
He pretended to have a sword fight with an apparently very vicious wind monster in the middle of the field, while the other players kicked the ball around him. He spent a lot of time rolling around on the ground...and I spent a lot of time pointing to an innocent parent next to me and saying very loudly “Boy YOUR SON HENRY out there is having fun!”
They did not take kindly to this, as it was their son who was scoring the goals even through the complete interference of my son’s superman cape flapping with his shirt half off.
In the end, I had to admit he was mine...He picked a flower for me out in the field and brought it over to me.
I hugged him and said he played great. I guess that’s ok...It is very un-soccery of me and I may have hurt his chances to play for a big college now by telling him that what he did was actually playing soccer, I mean he is ALREADY 5 and all...
I Guess even though his entire performance was like a half time show, I think he had fun. I just took those virtual eggs out of that basket and made a deal with myself to just enjoy watching my son be a robot in the field, after all...he is ONLY 5!!!!!
I am not sure what has happened to sports for the young since I was...young that is...But apparently now, all our young folks starting at 6 months, are “in training” to become the next Pele, Elway or Phelps. I say this with love in my heart for all those parents who are putting their eggs in that basket...Seriously????
I know after this weekend that Henry's basket has no eggs in it for soccer. His first soccer game was spent, doing lots of antics, and getting lots of laughs from the sideline, but not a whole lot of soccer playing. He was dancing, running off the sidelines and "chatting" with random people.
Mind you I was not close enough to hear the conversation, but I saw the confused look on the random Dads face that he picked to go and tell his story to. Lord only knows what he was talking about...I am just praying he was not being the Robot from the planet Shnerp with him...(I believe that is saved only for his Goddess Teacher, but still, I am a little concerned.)
He pretended to have a sword fight with an apparently very vicious wind monster in the middle of the field, while the other players kicked the ball around him. He spent a lot of time rolling around on the ground...and I spent a lot of time pointing to an innocent parent next to me and saying very loudly “Boy YOUR SON HENRY out there is having fun!”
They did not take kindly to this, as it was their son who was scoring the goals even through the complete interference of my son’s superman cape flapping with his shirt half off.
In the end, I had to admit he was mine...He picked a flower for me out in the field and brought it over to me.
I hugged him and said he played great. I guess that’s ok...It is very un-soccery of me and I may have hurt his chances to play for a big college now by telling him that what he did was actually playing soccer, I mean he is ALREADY 5 and all...
I Guess even though his entire performance was like a half time show, I think he had fun. I just took those virtual eggs out of that basket and made a deal with myself to just enjoy watching my son be a robot in the field, after all...he is ONLY 5!!!!!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Kindergarten Memories
So here's the thing, I had girls first. And let me tell you, that is just not an OK order to go in.
I had little girls who wanted me to walk them to their classroom. I had little girls who got off the bus and couldn't stop talking long enough for me to ask a question about their school day, much less catch a breath. I heard all about their teacher, about their classroom, about all the friends that they made, and the shoes those friends wore, the classes they took, the letter A they wrote and what color they wrote it in.
Then....there is Henry...The boy....
The first day of school his favorite thing at school was: " I don't remember what I did mom, it was school"
The second day of school his favorite thing at school was: "I guess I like the bus"
The third day of school his favorite thing at school was: "I really liked Recess today mom"
The fourth day he came off the bus looking like someone shot his dog, when I asked him what was wrong he said: "They promised we were going to have a fire alarm, we practiced lining up and everything and then they didn't let me do it."
The fifth day of School his favorite thing was: "The fire drill."
The Sixth day of School his favorite thing was: "I kinda liked gym"
The Seventh day of School his favorite thing was: " MOM I am so tired can I stay home tomorrow and just watch TV...seriously mom...seriously...school is too long"
The Eighth day...I didn't even ask...whats the point? It will probably be tying his shoe because that was when he was outside, before he even entered the school....
I am pretty sure that he is going, he comes home with work, so unless he is stealing some other helpless Kindergartners work and shoving it in his own folder, I have evidence that he is actually attending school...and not just spending his day out at recess or sneaking into alternate gym classes, yet he cannot tell me the name of ANYONE in his class...and forget about the color of their shoes.
So I guess this is it...now that I am no longer witness to his everyday life, I will no longer be privy to what is going on in that little pea brain of his because it is very clear...I am not going to be told, unless I catch him during a fire drill.
I had little girls who wanted me to walk them to their classroom. I had little girls who got off the bus and couldn't stop talking long enough for me to ask a question about their school day, much less catch a breath. I heard all about their teacher, about their classroom, about all the friends that they made, and the shoes those friends wore, the classes they took, the letter A they wrote and what color they wrote it in.
Then....there is Henry...The boy....
The first day of school his favorite thing at school was: " I don't remember what I did mom, it was school"
The second day of school his favorite thing at school was: "I guess I like the bus"
The third day of school his favorite thing at school was: "I really liked Recess today mom"
The fourth day he came off the bus looking like someone shot his dog, when I asked him what was wrong he said: "They promised we were going to have a fire alarm, we practiced lining up and everything and then they didn't let me do it."
The fifth day of School his favorite thing was: "The fire drill."
The Sixth day of School his favorite thing was: "I kinda liked gym"
The Seventh day of School his favorite thing was: " MOM I am so tired can I stay home tomorrow and just watch TV...seriously mom...seriously...school is too long"
The Eighth day...I didn't even ask...whats the point? It will probably be tying his shoe because that was when he was outside, before he even entered the school....
I am pretty sure that he is going, he comes home with work, so unless he is stealing some other helpless Kindergartners work and shoving it in his own folder, I have evidence that he is actually attending school...and not just spending his day out at recess or sneaking into alternate gym classes, yet he cannot tell me the name of ANYONE in his class...and forget about the color of their shoes.
So I guess this is it...now that I am no longer witness to his everyday life, I will no longer be privy to what is going on in that little pea brain of his because it is very clear...I am not going to be told, unless I catch him during a fire drill.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Half Time Show
So it is the middle of the Hokie vs Boise game...a little intense...a few choice words, much pacing going on...and all of the sudden we hear rain in the hall way...or rather flooding coming down the stairs...as you all may or may not know we have had our experience with flooding this year so immediately we jump up and run to the stairs...
There is Henry...underwear around the ankles, shaking off at the top. Apparantly sleep peeing is his new trick. Standing half asleep at the top of the stairs the boy just peed the whole way down.
My oldest ran to the stairs and being so globally minded and concerned with others yelling "did he just pee on my art supplies?"
I am wondering if I should tell her now or later, that her art may have a "special" scent and we should hope that her art teacher doesn't have an alpha dog that gets theatened easily.
I am glad that it is half time because Jamie and I were laughing so hard it took us 20 minutes to stop long enough to clean it up. I put him back to bed, I am not sure that he knows yet what he did...
I can only laugh so much though, sleep peeing is genetic...I seem to remember at 5 backing into the linen closet in our bathroom and peeing on the blankets...But you have to know, genetic or not, its coming up at graduation...
There is Henry...underwear around the ankles, shaking off at the top. Apparantly sleep peeing is his new trick. Standing half asleep at the top of the stairs the boy just peed the whole way down.
My oldest ran to the stairs and being so globally minded and concerned with others yelling "did he just pee on my art supplies?"
I am wondering if I should tell her now or later, that her art may have a "special" scent and we should hope that her art teacher doesn't have an alpha dog that gets theatened easily.
I am glad that it is half time because Jamie and I were laughing so hard it took us 20 minutes to stop long enough to clean it up. I put him back to bed, I am not sure that he knows yet what he did...
I can only laugh so much though, sleep peeing is genetic...I seem to remember at 5 backing into the linen closet in our bathroom and peeing on the blankets...But you have to know, genetic or not, its coming up at graduation...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Uh-oh
So as you know, Henry is starting kindergarten...I am not totally sure how I feel about that. I will have to wait for my blog on September 1st. I could be a mess, trying to type while my computer board shorts out from the tears landing on it....or it could just look like this: alkd hfu lakhfoir lslirbh, due to the many mimosa’s I have already had at 5 in the morning, starting the celebration. I would say that there could be something in between...but, really? How well do you know me? There isn't a whole lot of in between with Pie!
So we went to his Kindergarten orientation the other day. He actually behaved very well...but some of this was due to the crippling anxiety surging through his body.
See, Henry is not a "change" kid, and unfortunately things got switched up on him. There must have been some kind of storm of flood or something in 2004 because the kindergarten class this year is HUGE. (For our small town that means that it exceeded its normal 38 kids and now is encroaching on 48! Heavens!) So they had to create a new class in order to keep the numbers below 20 in each class. Henry was one of the kids that got switched to the new teacher. He was not over enthusiastic about this change UNTIL....
He saw his new teacher.
Many of you know that Henry is a fan of blondes. He has been since he was born. If you had blonde hair you would get a charming smile...if not...perhaps the spit up was for you. I cannot control this, seemingly genetic flaw.
One of my best friends Dana, was plagued by Henry the first few years of his life, but she got over it since he referred to her as "pretty lady!"
His new teacher walks up to him, a six foot, long blonde hair, 20 something, Norwegian Viking. When she put her hand on his shoulder to say hello, Henry held his breath and turned so red I thought he was going to pass out.
I finally nudged him and said "Can you say Hi to your new teacher?"
At which point, the long stream of breath he had been holding let out right in her face and something that I think was English came out of his mouth..."
"Hoooolooooo" he rambles with a goofy look on his face and then starts to dance around in circles in some sort of demented pigeon mating ritual.
She looks up at me all sweet and says "A shy one huh?"
I didn't have the heart to tell her that really this was his way of flirting, and that I hoped she could get one sensible word out of him throughout the year. As my son waddled off in a strange robot walk saying "Shnerp, I am from the planet Shnerp" I just smiled and said "Well, I guess, good luck?"
That evening when Jamie asked about his new teacher, again the face got red, and he looked at me: "YOU TELL HIM" He screamed.
"Tell him what?"
He tilts his head to the side gave me the raised eyebrow, knowing look and says, "You know..."
"What? Whisper it in my ear" I lean over and he says...
"She's Blonde..."
And there we go...we are starting Kindergarten....Lord help the Norwegian Goddess from escaping Henry's primitive flirting techniques....pretty sure she is going to get gum in her hair at some point this year...
So we went to his Kindergarten orientation the other day. He actually behaved very well...but some of this was due to the crippling anxiety surging through his body.
See, Henry is not a "change" kid, and unfortunately things got switched up on him. There must have been some kind of storm of flood or something in 2004 because the kindergarten class this year is HUGE. (For our small town that means that it exceeded its normal 38 kids and now is encroaching on 48! Heavens!) So they had to create a new class in order to keep the numbers below 20 in each class. Henry was one of the kids that got switched to the new teacher. He was not over enthusiastic about this change UNTIL....
He saw his new teacher.
Many of you know that Henry is a fan of blondes. He has been since he was born. If you had blonde hair you would get a charming smile...if not...perhaps the spit up was for you. I cannot control this, seemingly genetic flaw.
One of my best friends Dana, was plagued by Henry the first few years of his life, but she got over it since he referred to her as "pretty lady!"
His new teacher walks up to him, a six foot, long blonde hair, 20 something, Norwegian Viking. When she put her hand on his shoulder to say hello, Henry held his breath and turned so red I thought he was going to pass out.
I finally nudged him and said "Can you say Hi to your new teacher?"
At which point, the long stream of breath he had been holding let out right in her face and something that I think was English came out of his mouth..."
"Hoooolooooo" he rambles with a goofy look on his face and then starts to dance around in circles in some sort of demented pigeon mating ritual.
She looks up at me all sweet and says "A shy one huh?"
I didn't have the heart to tell her that really this was his way of flirting, and that I hoped she could get one sensible word out of him throughout the year. As my son waddled off in a strange robot walk saying "Shnerp, I am from the planet Shnerp" I just smiled and said "Well, I guess, good luck?"
That evening when Jamie asked about his new teacher, again the face got red, and he looked at me: "YOU TELL HIM" He screamed.
"Tell him what?"
He tilts his head to the side gave me the raised eyebrow, knowing look and says, "You know..."
"What? Whisper it in my ear" I lean over and he says...
"She's Blonde..."
And there we go...we are starting Kindergarten....Lord help the Norwegian Goddess from escaping Henry's primitive flirting techniques....pretty sure she is going to get gum in her hair at some point this year...
Friday, August 20, 2010
Two Henryisms for the Day
So Henry has a little speech issue. He can't say R's...yeah I know it does totally add to his persona with lots of mispronunciations...like we ride in a Cow...not a Car. We go to a Sto, not a store, and he has Sistows not sisters. But sometimes He also mishears things and re-says them as though it is something that has been in his vocabulary for ages.
The other Day I had a Not so proud parenting moment where my eldest...getting to be an eye-rolling-sulking-sighing teenager, did one of those things while I was being a stressed-out-not-using-effective-parenting-skills parent and I called her a wench. Yes I did, not proud of it but I did. A few minutes later Henry told Marshall he "would shaaow his Lego's" but he didn't want to because she was being a "workbench."
I am thankful that my almost always annoyed at the sibs teenager has a sense of humor and was able to laugh, because now when she doesn't act nice Henry dances around her singing "Marshall is a workbench, Marshall is a workbench." He really thinks he is saying something edgy and forbidden, but at least it lightens the moment...for now...but come 14 I have a feeling he had better watch his step. Henry being cute won't go far with a surly teenager who holds my genes in there somewhere.
The problem in my family is that once one of those things happens, it becomes part of our regular speech. So now for real, when I am irritated I call her a workbench. It is something that happened in my family, a bad gene we get from my dad, who to this day calls pocket books, ocketbooks, and hairbands waddies, and people Creeps of the first Water. I believe that this may cause some strife for my children in their future when they are in a fight and in all seriousness yell "workbench" at someone...I am pretty sure that may end in laughter at their expense...
We have another new one that has been added to our Nautical collection of strangeness. The other day Henry hands me one of his Lego masterpieces and says "mom look at my boat!" I smile and dutifully look at the 4000 guns that he seems to have attached to his small fishing dingy, because you know...you never know when an alien or dinosaur may pop out of the lake on a peaceful day and start a war with you on your 10 foot boat...
Then Henry says "And right here is how it floats...it has two Boobies!"
I raise my eyebrows and say "What?"
"This is how it floats because of these two BOOBIES..." He says louder, because Clearly I did not hear correctly the first time.
I am thinking to my self...only a guy would come up with a boat equipped with 4000 guns AND boobies attached, when my miss never-pronounce-anything-wrong-future-literature-professor middle child says giggling "Henry, did you mean Buoys? like out in the water?"
"Oh I thought they were Boobies, because Boobies float."
Hmmmm.....I would say to Henry's future girlfriends...please do not accept an invitation to go fishing with him...I am not sure why he will be asking....
The other Day I had a Not so proud parenting moment where my eldest...getting to be an eye-rolling-sulking-sighing teenager, did one of those things while I was being a stressed-out-not-using-effective-parenting-skills parent and I called her a wench. Yes I did, not proud of it but I did. A few minutes later Henry told Marshall he "would shaaow his Lego's" but he didn't want to because she was being a "workbench."
I am thankful that my almost always annoyed at the sibs teenager has a sense of humor and was able to laugh, because now when she doesn't act nice Henry dances around her singing "Marshall is a workbench, Marshall is a workbench." He really thinks he is saying something edgy and forbidden, but at least it lightens the moment...for now...but come 14 I have a feeling he had better watch his step. Henry being cute won't go far with a surly teenager who holds my genes in there somewhere.
The problem in my family is that once one of those things happens, it becomes part of our regular speech. So now for real, when I am irritated I call her a workbench. It is something that happened in my family, a bad gene we get from my dad, who to this day calls pocket books, ocketbooks, and hairbands waddies, and people Creeps of the first Water. I believe that this may cause some strife for my children in their future when they are in a fight and in all seriousness yell "workbench" at someone...I am pretty sure that may end in laughter at their expense...
We have another new one that has been added to our Nautical collection of strangeness. The other day Henry hands me one of his Lego masterpieces and says "mom look at my boat!" I smile and dutifully look at the 4000 guns that he seems to have attached to his small fishing dingy, because you know...you never know when an alien or dinosaur may pop out of the lake on a peaceful day and start a war with you on your 10 foot boat...
Then Henry says "And right here is how it floats...it has two Boobies!"
I raise my eyebrows and say "What?"
"This is how it floats because of these two BOOBIES..." He says louder, because Clearly I did not hear correctly the first time.
I am thinking to my self...only a guy would come up with a boat equipped with 4000 guns AND boobies attached, when my miss never-pronounce-anything-wrong-future-literature-professor middle child says giggling "Henry, did you mean Buoys? like out in the water?"
"Oh I thought they were Boobies, because Boobies float."
Hmmmm.....I would say to Henry's future girlfriends...please do not accept an invitation to go fishing with him...I am not sure why he will be asking....
Thursday, August 19, 2010
This That and The Other
So I have so much to catch up on...and I am not even going to pretend that I will do it because, in my many attempts to get back to blogging every day I seem to get worse. But I think that the fact that Henry will be going to Kindegarten this year may help my time...but may also stunt my creative flow.
Can you believe that the boy is starting Kindergarten...ahhh yes it is true...for 6 hours a day he will be another persons blog material...I am quite sure that there will be another Maine blog about a boy named Henry fairly soon!
Our flooded house that we were hoping to have all fixed in June...you know because the damage was my mothersday present...Is JUST NOW BEING FINISHED. I will have floors other than plywood for the first time in MONTHS soon.
My first reaction to the tile was, huh, its a lot darker than I remember, I thought my husband was going to flip out...but hey, when you have been staring at ply wood for 4 months...its wierd to see a color. I think my Agriculture degree got the best of me though, and now I realize that my floor...is the color of soil. Oh well, at least it is the color of fertile soil.
So anyway, I just thought I would start out with a boring post to warn you that Henry is starting school...pictures and fun to come, the floor is down, the Garden is in, (and I really need to make sauce because the tomatoes are looking a little smooshy but I cant get into the kitchen yet, that is my excuse and I am sticking to it) and to let you know that your favorite delinquent blogging relative is back with her fingers on the keys and ready to roll.
The End.
Can you believe that the boy is starting Kindergarten...ahhh yes it is true...for 6 hours a day he will be another persons blog material...I am quite sure that there will be another Maine blog about a boy named Henry fairly soon!
Our flooded house that we were hoping to have all fixed in June...you know because the damage was my mothersday present...Is JUST NOW BEING FINISHED. I will have floors other than plywood for the first time in MONTHS soon.
My first reaction to the tile was, huh, its a lot darker than I remember, I thought my husband was going to flip out...but hey, when you have been staring at ply wood for 4 months...its wierd to see a color. I think my Agriculture degree got the best of me though, and now I realize that my floor...is the color of soil. Oh well, at least it is the color of fertile soil.
So anyway, I just thought I would start out with a boring post to warn you that Henry is starting school...pictures and fun to come, the floor is down, the Garden is in, (and I really need to make sauce because the tomatoes are looking a little smooshy but I cant get into the kitchen yet, that is my excuse and I am sticking to it) and to let you know that your favorite delinquent blogging relative is back with her fingers on the keys and ready to roll.
The End.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Scenes from the Trellises Part 1 2010
So since Maine has decided to turn into a Southern State this year...at least the part I am living in...(I do hear that my more northern counterparts had snow earlier this month...but here...it's been like...Africa hot this week) I have gotten my entire garden in and have even harvested stuff already.
Now I am not Acorn Farm Girl, but I do my best. Already have had lettuce, spinach and radishes fresh, and hoping that we don't get the biblical 40 days of rain like last year so I will have the opportunity to harvest more than a few moldy strawberries!
But here we are, my modest raised beds where the running list is: Sweet Potatoes, Blue, Yukon and red potatoes, wax beans, green beans (bush and pole), Lima Beans, Peas, spinach, lettuce (4 kinds), Beets, Turnips, Parsnips, radishes, carrots, Tomatoes (A bazillion types), cantaloupe, watermelon, eggplant, jalapeno's, Habanera’s, Green Peppers, Sweet Peppers, Pumpkins, summer squash, zucchini, acorn squash, butternut squash, broccoli, cauliflower, red cabbage, green cabbage, pointed cabbage, nasturtiums, basil, cilantro, thyme, oregano, mint, rosemary, lemon balm, red onion, white onion, spring onions, yellow onions, Brussel sprouts, cucumbers, Swiss chard, and Strawberries...I think that covers it... oh and chives...thats those things blooming in the garden!
Still haven't dared to plant Asparagus or Rhubarb, somehow I know that will mean I move the next year!
But I did plant Raspberry and Blackberry bushes this year, and hope to expand to grapes and blueberries next year!
So here’s to dirty hands and strung trellises...lets see what happens now!
Now I am not Acorn Farm Girl, but I do my best. Already have had lettuce, spinach and radishes fresh, and hoping that we don't get the biblical 40 days of rain like last year so I will have the opportunity to harvest more than a few moldy strawberries!
But here we are, my modest raised beds where the running list is: Sweet Potatoes, Blue, Yukon and red potatoes, wax beans, green beans (bush and pole), Lima Beans, Peas, spinach, lettuce (4 kinds), Beets, Turnips, Parsnips, radishes, carrots, Tomatoes (A bazillion types), cantaloupe, watermelon, eggplant, jalapeno's, Habanera’s, Green Peppers, Sweet Peppers, Pumpkins, summer squash, zucchini, acorn squash, butternut squash, broccoli, cauliflower, red cabbage, green cabbage, pointed cabbage, nasturtiums, basil, cilantro, thyme, oregano, mint, rosemary, lemon balm, red onion, white onion, spring onions, yellow onions, Brussel sprouts, cucumbers, Swiss chard, and Strawberries...I think that covers it... oh and chives...thats those things blooming in the garden!
Still haven't dared to plant Asparagus or Rhubarb, somehow I know that will mean I move the next year!
But I did plant Raspberry and Blackberry bushes this year, and hope to expand to grapes and blueberries next year!
So here’s to dirty hands and strung trellises...lets see what happens now!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Boys new look!
So the other day I had an eye appointment due to my being completely blind with out glasses and all. I of course had little man in tow as I went which...around complicated machinery can be a real challenge.
After about 20 minutes of "what is that?" "What are you doing... what are you doing now? what are you doing now?"
My eye Dr., in either exasperation, or excitement that someone cared about what he was doing, said:
"Hey do you want to try out the machine that your mom is looking in?"
"YEAH!" Henry was very excited...I was thinking...oh what a nice guy....
Then I heard it...
"huh," from the Dr. then a few minutes later another.."hmmmmm"
Long story short...Here we are a couple hundred dollars later!
Blimps
Before preschool Henry was watching Curious George, which I question letting him watch anyway because of his natural bent toward curiosity in a way that shuts down cities and saves ducks and stuff...
George and the yellow hat guy went up in a Blimp...
Henry exclaimed "Hey look its a giant flying football!"
my all too literal oldest says "No Henry, that's a Blimp..."
To which he looks at her quite indignantly and says...
"Nooo, its a giant flying football." In his best wise tail voice...
At least he knows what he knows right????
George and the yellow hat guy went up in a Blimp...
Henry exclaimed "Hey look its a giant flying football!"
my all too literal oldest says "No Henry, that's a Blimp..."
To which he looks at her quite indignantly and says...
"Nooo, its a giant flying football." In his best wise tail voice...
At least he knows what he knows right????
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My Mother's Day Present
OK so I was remiss in the midst of my flooded house to not mention that I got a very nice mothers day gift. This year in lieu of lovely shell jewelry and tissue paper pins, I got these!
And the best part is...they are Hokie Colors...so how could they be bad?
Ahhh now I just need an umbrella drink, a nanny and a crew of carpenters to put my house back together again!
And the best part is...they are Hokie Colors...so how could they be bad?
Ahhh now I just need an umbrella drink, a nanny and a crew of carpenters to put my house back together again!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Gods Must be Angry
So this morning I felt like I was totally on top of things. I felt like mom of the year. I gave my kids cereal on paper plates since we have no kitchen due to the flood, thus no water…so dry cereal it was.
I had called my sister to drop the youngest and oldest off at their prospective schools, my neighbor agreed to put my middle one on the bus, all so that I could get to my meeting at 8:15. I am running out the door in my girl clothes shoving everything into the car, a change of clothes, a pear, and all the kids’ lunches, and yes I even remembered all the kids.
I pull out of the driveway and notice that as I am going my car seems to be dragging half of the rock with it…
Huh.
All of the sudden it dawns on me…this is not the way that my car normally feels… it is now 7:45 and I am getting perilously close to my deadline to get to my meeting on time.
I get out of the car only to see that the back tire is completely flat. After a long string of unmentionable things came out of my mouth… I just sighed and looked up and said:
“SERIOUSLY?”
(Thanks to Greys Anatomy it probably has a new entry in Webster’s.)
Clearly I have angered the Gods, I can only hope that perhaps I have started to pay off my debt…Because really I am totally expecting to wake up tomorrow looking up at the beautiful sky about to rain because a wind storm took off my roof during the night!
I had called my sister to drop the youngest and oldest off at their prospective schools, my neighbor agreed to put my middle one on the bus, all so that I could get to my meeting at 8:15. I am running out the door in my girl clothes shoving everything into the car, a change of clothes, a pear, and all the kids’ lunches, and yes I even remembered all the kids.
I pull out of the driveway and notice that as I am going my car seems to be dragging half of the rock with it…
Huh.
All of the sudden it dawns on me…this is not the way that my car normally feels… it is now 7:45 and I am getting perilously close to my deadline to get to my meeting on time.
I get out of the car only to see that the back tire is completely flat. After a long string of unmentionable things came out of my mouth… I just sighed and looked up and said:
“SERIOUSLY?”
(Thanks to Greys Anatomy it probably has a new entry in Webster’s.)
Clearly I have angered the Gods, I can only hope that perhaps I have started to pay off my debt…Because really I am totally expecting to wake up tomorrow looking up at the beautiful sky about to rain because a wind storm took off my roof during the night!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
It's Raining It's Pouring the Old Man is...
Pissed to find that it’s raining and pouring in his basement!Ahhhh, the happiness of homeownership! Friday morning I woke up feeling a little overheated…”huh” I thought to myself. When suddenly my oldest daughter runs up stairs and says…
“Daddy, you need to get down stairs, there is water in the kitchen floor.”
Ok so I am thinking, something leaked…no biggie…I look at my windows…in my bedroom…upstairs…and notice that there is sort of a dew covering them on the inside.
“Huh” I think to myself.
I walk down stairs and see even more dew all over the insides of the windows downstairs, and that there is a certain…oh rain foresty quality in the air…
“Huh” I think…
Then I walked into the kitchen…the “Huh,” turned to “Holy S%$^#”
There was literally inches of water from one end of the house to the other…then what I am hearing starts to register…rain…Although outside was looking to be a beautiful blue sky, I heard rain…in my basement!
I went down the stairs to find that the floor beneath that half of my house was literally raining into my basement.
The culprit? An overactive dishwasher that clearly was trying to prove its manhood to the rest of the appliances. It had been set to run at 11 that night…and ran until 6 that morning gushing hot water into the downstairs of our house until saturating the floor so much that it leaked through and RAINED in our finished basement.
Yes, I am now questioning my use of the word apocalyptic in my last post.
“Daddy, you need to get down stairs, there is water in the kitchen floor.”
Ok so I am thinking, something leaked…no biggie…I look at my windows…in my bedroom…upstairs…and notice that there is sort of a dew covering them on the inside.
“Huh” I think to myself.
I walk down stairs and see even more dew all over the insides of the windows downstairs, and that there is a certain…oh rain foresty quality in the air…
“Huh” I think…
Then I walked into the kitchen…the “Huh,” turned to “Holy S%$^#”
There was literally inches of water from one end of the house to the other…then what I am hearing starts to register…rain…Although outside was looking to be a beautiful blue sky, I heard rain…in my basement!
I went down the stairs to find that the floor beneath that half of my house was literally raining into my basement.
The culprit? An overactive dishwasher that clearly was trying to prove its manhood to the rest of the appliances. It had been set to run at 11 that night…and ran until 6 that morning gushing hot water into the downstairs of our house until saturating the floor so much that it leaked through and RAINED in our finished basement.
Yes, I am now questioning my use of the word apocalyptic in my last post.
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