Did we need MORE reason to Hate Wal-Mart???

Okay, so most of the time I am a fairly go lucky person, live and let live I say. But I tend to get really pissed off when the normal, trying to survive person gets hammered by a fortune 500.

Now, I do understand that this seems to be the new precedent in this country, but I don't have to like it. This story totally blew me out of the water.

The problem is, I get that Wal-Mart is very inexpensive... It is hard during these economic times not to go for the best price.... I can't say that I don't darken the sliding doors to hell either but seriously, This after they tried to amputate our feet with their poison flip flops???

Although it should come as no surprise that Wal-Mart will out live the mosquito's, after the whole Life insurance scandal thingy. (Which I was sure was true until I read this.)

So, I know that I have just had you binging all over the Internet reading incredibly boring articles on the evils of Wal-Mart...but doesn't it make you mad that a company that we support with our hard earned dollars is doing what ever they can to take even more of them in dishonesty and greed??? And I don't want to hear that damned...well that's Capitalism for you. Lets just not go there, But lets not go somewhere else either....WAL-MART.*

OOOOH look at me all political and everything....hmmm I am going to have to sit on a whoopy cushion in the library or something now to make up for the seriousness! Have a good one, and remember, don't wear toxic flip flops it could ruin your day.

*I would love to say that I will never go there again, and I know that I have cut down a great deal since the fear of my feet falling off, but I have to be realistic...it IS hard to stop when you have to make our incredibly weak dollar go a whole lot further.....SUCH A QUANDARY.

Things that make you go HMMMMM

I have to admit it, I have had a book on my list as being in my bathroom...which it really isn't anymore, it is in my workout bag. because frankly, going to the bathroom was more interesting to me than the book was. I decided that when I was on the bike at the Y, and trying to think of anything other than if my fat butt was falling over the edges of the bike seat and the fact that sleazy screaming weight lifting guy* was checking out my fat butt very conspicuously and smiling in the mirror, was a better time to try and digest Eat Pray Love.

It isn't that the book itself is all that bad. Except for the fact that it is someone who was paid to be incredibly self absorbed and all, you know, "my life is so horrible because I left my husband, and got paid to go on this big trip to really cool places and whine incessantly about how horrific it all is, when there are people starving and living in squalor, in the countries that I am visiting."

I don't begrudge her, her heart felt journey through the torment of men. I believe that we have all been there. You know, begging at the feet of the biggest ass in the world (Gary), and thinking that maybe, just maybe, you could degrade yourself a little more and he would love you for it (he didn't). (Not that I like to admit that, but there have been times of weakness in my past too...don't tell)

But I had to draw the line of bathroom reading material and change to exercise reading material when I just couldn't take that book more than 2 times a week. (Now you know why my butt is falling over the edges of the bike seat...only 2 times a week does it sit on it!)

I mean who can write about their menial life almost every day. The boring ins and outs of every emotion and explosion....you know, who is that self absorbed that they could do that and think that anyone would find it remotely entertaining....HMMMMMMMM Kind of like a BLOG??????? Perhaps I should give it another chance and put it back in my bathroom...and stop being so judgemental! LOL

* There will be more on SSWLG later, because, you know? He just needs some writing.

Survival Tips for Grannys Dr. Trips

So here I am, another day of drudgery that I have decided to have you go through with me! At least the sun is shining and my bulbs are coming up. That sounds dirty, but it isn't....my perennials really are coming up...through the 8 feet of snow and everything! (OK so I am exaggerating a bit again, only 2 feet)

So, I am IMing with my sister, we are figuring out who is going to take the next trip out to NH, to take our grandmother to the Dr. It is only an hour away, but with a two year old, it can be a little bit of an adventure, and we both have one of those. (two year old that is)

You have to pack as though you are going on a month vacation...
1. Change of clothes: Because if you don't have them, they WILL pee all over you , the car, passers by, what have you. (Of course Murphy's Law, if you do have them, they will be complete potty trained delights...)

2. Many toys: As Many toys as your "mom purse" can handle. This prevents the inevitable bad situation where someone is pouring their heart out recounting the terrible day a bus ran them over, and how now they can't see buses with out having a panic attack, and seconds later a bored two year old comes barreling in singing "The Wheels on the Bus." Which leads to mass chaos, screaming people, wet pants, and well, that could really set someone back a few years...And all because you forget to bring enough freaking toys to the office. This scenario however, still ends a little better than if you forget to bring toys to the OBGYN office...now that is just bad all the way around!

3. Food: Because when all else fails, you can bribe and cajole with food....Yeah? What of it? Yes I do realize that my kids are probably going to grow up associating food with all sorts of things... rewards and bribes mostly...nutrition? Not so much. And yes they probably will be sitting on the same couches, pouring their hearts out, and not being able to figure out why they have an uncontrollable desire for Dunkin Doughnuts every time they enter a Dr. office, or pronounce a word correctly. But you know? We all do the best we can with what we have...and Maine has a Ton of Dunkin Doughnuts.

4. Dress them up really cute: Most people have a really hard time getting irritated with the kid that is all dressed up in a sweater vest or a cute dress....I know that sounds mean, but it is true. When my kids go out in their normal attire of Peanut Butter smudges and Jelly stains, people look at them, more with the "who is this little Nit?" disapproval, then the "oh how cute they are"look. But let me tell ya, smooth down the sticking up hair, and put on a sweater vest, and Henry can charm the crabbiest of them!

If all else fails,

5. A parenting book: Preferably one called "How to Be a Great Aunt to a Bad Kid" That way when your kid starts acting really bad, you can just point to the book and shrug your shoulders. You get all the kudos for trying to be a great aunt to the problem child of your sibling, and none of the blame for their terrible behavior! (My sister right now, is going, Damn, why didn't I think of that!) If you can't find a book like that I guess you could always just to ask around if anyone knows where this kids mother is....

So there you have it, my survival tips for the day at the Dr. in NH. We haven't hammered out who is going, but with a plan in place, we will both survive no matter who gets the short straw! (Not that we MIND going to the Dr for our grandmother!)

Dilemma

Is it fair for me to have books out of the library for a month or more at a time? Keeping them from other readers who might take a gander at the cover and say ahhhh that book looks interesting… Maybe, Maybe not. But let me ask you this… Is it fair that I was given the gift of reading so slowly that I could fall asleep between sentences?

Or perhaps I should ask is it fair that I get interrupted between each word with “Mom, she’s hitting me,” “Mom can I have something to eat?” “Mom, I am hungry,” “Mom, Henry peed in his pants and locked himself in the closet” “Mom my head is stuck in the banister” “Mom I think I need to go to the hospital here is my finger, can they sew those back on?”*

I mean really,….can’t a person read?

Thank goodness I work at the library and am fine free….I would have added a wing on. But I still do get haunted by the “Thursday Overdue” calls. Maybe I should tell them when they check out a book to me that they should just take it out of circulation until I return it, because it may take me a year to read the freaking thing!

I know I know….It is only a moment in time, and someday I am going to wish I had a medical emergency to interrupt my reading…Maybe.

*No children were harmed in the writing of this blog. All references to maiming and blood were fictitious so please stop calling CDS on me, thank you.

The Dreaded Backpack

I have discovered a new black hole. I know it seems hard to believe, but it has been in my house for some time, and I never noticed it. My daughters Backpack.

I have noticed it being a little odoriferous lately, but I wrote it off to mud puddles and that gross winter school smell ...you know the one, of peculiar cafeteria meat product, wet boots and kids that don't shower regularly? I will admit to mine being one of the delinquent bathers but seriously, who wants that battle? I write it off as our water conservation methods.

THEN the other day I was forced to retrieve something from the dreaded backpack. Now I am concerned that a missing cat from down the road might be nesting in there or something. It was nasty. And if her backpack is any indication of future pocketbook storage, she is going to be in for some serious chiropractic bills.

I found shoes, lip gloss, papers, crayons, stuffed animals, books, barbies, tissues (which I used tongs to dispose of because it was very unclear whether they were used or not.) There were a few unidentified things too, that may have been petrified art projects...or lunch... or friends she brought home to play, I am not sure, but they got trashed too, and if a parent calls looking for someone, I am just playing innocent.


Somewhere between the rolled up papers, the still wet, smelly mittens, and the unidentified sticky stuff on the inside of her bag, I simply just got too scared to continue. I am not sure all that has been lost to that backpack, but I am waiting for it to grow legs and start attacking family members.

I do realize that this is probably another indication of my Wicked Awesome Parenting skills. I realize that there are those of you shaking your head as you read this, because you regularly wash out the back pack and clean the kids and stuff...well...sorry. I feel pretty good when I wash their jackets. And that is usually only when we are out and I get the real pity looks from people as though they believe that we have just crawled out from under a bridge to go shopping for some more duct tape to repair our beds.

I am sure however, that my mother will read this and laugh at me, because I am pretty sure that my backpacks were the same way... I did not receive the title of "pack rat" for no reason at all and perhaps that is where our family pets and friends came from, they too got sucked into the black hole of my backpack as a kid....BUT COME ON, DOES KARMA ALWAYS HAVE TO WIN???????

Not for young viewers

Hopefully this doesn't offend any ones sensibilities. My uncle sent me this picture titled "Snorkeling in Maine" earlier today, and I just had to laugh...This totally was a bunch of guys after a party one night...

"Hey Bob..I dare you...Double dog Dare you....awwwwww you wussss (nicer language used here)...Who would we tell?????"

And here we are folks, a few weeks later on the Internet and now in a blog....POOR BOB

Redneck Maine gardening at its best

Someone sent this to me, and I don't' know whether to laugh or look on the neighboring road to make sure that it isn't them! I swear, I am going to do a calendar someday of beautiful gardening equipment like this. We had someone down the road use their old heart shaped tub as a planter last year....thankfully this year they have sold it...lets just hope they don't have any fancy urinals in their house or something.

Although this year, we won't be planting until July when the snow melts so maybe I will be in luck. LOL

Have a good day everyone!