Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Invisible Pee Monster

Now one would think that this was a Henry story, because conceivably, this is his type of imagination, but lo, it is not. This was the invention of a little 4 year old girl down the road...who may just be Henrys soul mate…

For the first time I let the girls ride their bikes across the road into the being built neighborhood. After about 30 minutes the freaky mom gene started working so I walked down to see where they were.

A little 4 year old girl, whom I have met on occasion, was walking with her cousin down the street. I asked if they had seen the girls, they had, so I decided to walk down to the little pond to see if the tad pole were out yet. The little girl looked at her cousin, dropped her hand, grabbed mine and said “I am going with her”

As we walked and she talked (I have forgotten how verbose little girls are.) We came across two plant pot looking things on the side of the road and she proceeded to tell me:

Her: “Don’t touch those, those are full of pee.”

Me: “Pee? Are you sure? Wait…how do you know?”

Her: Quite matter of factly, “Because the invisible pee monster left them.”

Me: Slightly amused, “The invisible pee monster?”

Her: “Yes, he is invisible, and he is trying to take over the world with his powerful pee. He sneaks around and pees when we don’t see him…but you can’t see him because he is invisible…except I can see him because I have super seeing eyes.”

Me: “OOooohhh, well I don’t have super seeing eyes because I can’t see him.”

Her: “Nope I have super seeing eyes because I am saving the world from his pee…”

Now folks, if this ain’t a match for Henry I don’t know who is!

Friday, April 23, 2010

A Little Scary

So the other night we were doing the all American thing and eating fast food the other night. I know, I know, I am sure that all my arteries were screaming shut as I took my first bite but you know? I had taken 4 hours to dig out my middle child’s closet...if you need a reminder of what that is like I am simply just happy I came out alive and didn’t find neighborhood children lost in there.

So we are sitting there, my husband walks up to get some straws and Henry gets a devilish look on his face and says:"Hey I have a plan!"

Underestimating the grudge that Henry seems to have against my husband right now for no apparent reason was my first mistake, but busting out laughing was the second one since now he is telling everyone and I am concerned that perhaps people are putting him on a watch list.

Henrys Plan:

"When we get home if dad takes a long time to come inside....lets build a cage and catch him when we walks in the door. Then we can duct tape the cage to the ceiling waaaaayyyy up high until forever."

Silence falls over the table...with the exception of my cell phone dialing the psychologist I now have on speed dial...

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The End of an Era

I don't know why I get attached to inanimate objects...it really doesn't make sense other than the fact that I am maybe 5 degrees off of half way normal. What ever the reason, I simply seem to personalize everything around me. I have since I was a kid.

I can remember having 1000 stuffed animals on my bed, because if I only picked one, the other ones would be staring at me from across the room with hurt feelings. I would feel bad for them so I would go get them and put them on my bed too.

I remember when I got married my parents gave us their old couch. It was canary yellow…and weighed 8000 pounds…and was HUGE…yet, when we had to leave it behind on our first move because it was bigger than the place we were renting…(seriously, it was) I got all teary and thought about how the couch was feeling to be left behind by the family that had sat on it for 20 some odd years…

I have always had a way of attaching feelings to things that, well…really don’t have them…trees, houses, movie ticket stubs, old goggles being retired.

So yesterday Jamie wisely didn’t tell me before he left for work that he was exchanging our old Explorer (nicknamed “the Exploder” because of its tendency to leave Jamie stranded…the fact that it had 230,000 miles on it probably had something to do with it too.)

He told me while he while he was at work, and I could not make a pilgrimage to the “Exploder’s” side to reminisce about how excited we were to get a car with a CD player, or how it was the used car we bought when Marshall was a little baby, or how it had brought Caroline home from the hospital for the first time, or how when we got our puppy she was so little she couldn’t even hop from the passenger seat to the drivers seat.

I guess it’s good to just rip the Band-Aid off when you have a wife that lives in Narnia where all things talk and have feelings.

However….I am just excited about having a car that won’t make that deafening humming noise when I drop Marshall off at school on the days that I happen to be driving Jamie car! I had to leave that parking lot behind big sunglasses and a hat many a day. (I am pretty sure Marshall is scarred from those mornings too!)

So out with the old and in with the new….just this once!