Friday, February 27, 2009

Straight From the Headlines

"Woman Accused of Trading Kids for Pet Cockatoo and $175 Cash"

Nope, not kidding...I stared at the headline in disbelief, and then said to myself:


Hey, don't judge me, I really, really, really want chickens....

* I saw the article in our very own Portland Press Herald, however online I couldn't find that headline so I found it somewhere else. The top was the headline in the PPH.

You have Two Choices

Henry has finally picked up on the "Two Choices" trick.

You know the one, when your kid is acting like a pill and you give them two choices. They think that you are letting them be in control, but really, they are two choices that end up with them doing what you wanted them to do anyway?

Yeah, well now Henry is constantly giving me two choices.

The other night it was:

Henry: "OK mommy, you have 2 choices. I can go to bed and cry, or I can stay up and play on PBS Kids"

Me: "What if I don't like my two choices?"

Henry: "That is all, you have two choices, I am going to send you to your room if you don't pick"

Me: "OK, I think I will just go to my room"

Henry looks at me and cocks his head a little....

Henry: "Ok, I think I will go downstairs and play PBS Kids...Goodnight mom"

That was so not how I had expected it to play I gave him two choices...

I don't need to tell you what they were, other than telling you he picked going to bed quietly and giving up his parental duties until he was old enough to have the authority to give two choices.


Thursday, February 26, 2009

Another Link...

that just makes me smile!


Mom, I can hear you laughing already....

and by the way....I do remember those rotary phones, and hating the 0's. And even more, I WAS my dads remote...and antennae holder, this was the job of the youngest. For those of you who lived in towns where they had cable, you may not remember what it was like when the TV antennae wasn't coming in clear unless you held it with one finger, stood on one foot and wrapped tin foil around your head to get clear reception.

I remember our first microwave, and how it was a miracle cooker and replaced our fancy "air popper" popcorn maker. (I also remember my mother trying to make a cake in it, and it was about the texture of a hockey puck...but with worse taste...) We have evolved enough to know that the microwave is not meant for Baking necessarily, but boy it makes a good hot dog on short notice.

I just laughed at this, and often wonder what it would be like for those of us who have lived in this time of quick and easy to be cast back to the dark ages....but I guess, we may find out if we don't get this downward spiral under control.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Link of the Day

Totally have to watch this...

I just have to say that this makes me, not ashamed to say that I am unabashedly loving John Green at this moment...

who wouldn't...but then...I am a nerd there ya go.

Thanks Leila for making my day, here is hoping that you too have ridded your body of the toilet hugging curse that is haunting us all.

moving to a tropical island?

So, Jamie and I this past weekend decided to watch a movie with the kids. We got Nims Island. This was all good, until we woke up on Monday morning to another flippin' 6 inches of snow. Not nice fluffy middle of January snow, but back breaking, heavy as hell, crying while you are shoveling because it won’t get off your shovel, February snow.

(I am woman enough to admit that I actually did start stomping my feet and had a string of cuss words fly out of my mouth when the shovel nearly broke my arm every time I had to “throw” the snow off my shovel and it didn’t budge. Not to mention, due to the fact that we have had NO MELT yet this winter, I was trying to pitch it up a 4 foot snow bank.)

It has long been a real debate in our married life of where to live. We both have such strong opinions...(based on nothing but ignorance mind you...) of where we would be willing to live.

Because of our basic inability to "get over" our childhood biases or adult issues stemming from our continuous trek up and down the 95 corridor, we have narrowed ourselves to basically 3 states. VA, NH or ME....well clearly we have already covered 2 of these... and NH would not exactly be a climate change...

After glorifying living in a grass hut, playing soccer with a coconut, and being friends with a seal, (because movies are REAL) Jamie and I have decided that we need to move to a tropical island somewhere. Although, I am not sure that our families would be thrilled with us for moving, yet, further away…I guarantee they would find a way to visit more often if they thought there was a pina colada in the deal.

We sat there curled up under a blanket on our couch deciding that we could grow our own vegetables, Jamie could build stuff… I mean he’s an engineer…he could come up with something right? Marshall was only excited because she would again be allowed to have bananas again…yeah, that is kind of a long, sorted tale of Pie’s misguided attempt to be more conscious of how far our food has traveled, and is now a point of contention between my kids and I. (But to be honest, I was getting tired of buying them and having to make banana bread because the kids wouldn’t eat them…so don’t yell at me yet…)

I think in my complete distress at this hard winter, and my continually blue toes I have gotten shack whacky because I actually have started going on Google earth and looking at lone islands in the middle of the Pacific…

Perhaps I just need a vacation.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

After School Special Announcement by PIE

Regardless of your party affiliation, or your feelings about politics and or our president, I encourage everyone to take an interest in our countries economic problems. I looked up the website to see what it was about. It is supposed to be a transparent way to see how congress is spending the stimulus package.

This is not to inspire political debate here on this post, it is simply a resource that I thought was interesting and a good reference, since....well, I would like to know where my money is going and would like to believe that THIS time it isn't going toward corporate vacations and new company jets....

transparency of spending is always a good thing...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Did You Miss Me?

So here I was getting back in the saddle with my blog appetite and what happens? A quick trip to VA for a baptism turns into something from a scene in The Hitcher....(well minus the psychotic hitchhiker...and the killing and stuff...OK, so it was nothing like that, but there were plenty of gross moments...)

So it was a crazy weekend. It was great to see everyone, yadda yadda yadda. Let’s talk about the gift they gave us for our trip home…

Jamie and I were really proud of the fact that we dragged our tired butts out of bed at 4 in the morning to pack the car and wake the kids and get an early start so that we could get home really early and have a nice evening before we got back into the grind. That was the last moment I remember of happiness before the ride from HELL.

I am overly anal about packing the car…well, I have a reason…I do it RIGHT. So I had to pack the car. I put my book bag with library books, my work for the school board, my electrical chords etc… under Caroline’s feet because that was the most logical place for it until Jamie drove. (He hates anything under his feet and I was driving the first leg)

We get everyone up and Caroline looks up at me with circles under her eyes that made her look like someone had used her for batting practice and said “I don’t feel so good”

Being the over attentive, caring mother that I am… I rolled my eyes and said “You are probably just hungry because you refused to eat your dinner last night”

Yeah, I agree, this must be where I went wrong, because this seems to be when the Gods made sure that I was adequately punished.

We were on the road, bopping along nicely to my music…Lah De Dah, when Caroline says…
“Mom, I really, really, don’t feel good…”

“Are you going to be sick?”

“No, I don’t think so; I just don’t feel goo…..”

I don’t even have to tell you what came next other than the sound of water swooshing down…

Again, with the good mother routine the first words out of my mouth are not “Caroline, are you OK,” or “Poor Baby I am pulling off they were:

“Caroline, don’t throw up in my bag, open your door…open your door…”

OK, so it seemed logical to me at the moment. Looking back however, I am sure that opening the door of the moving car to projectile vomit out the side of the car…again, while it was moving, was probably not the best instructions…especially as I am swerving all over the road trying to pull off, grab my bag, and look at her and the road all at the same time…(putting on lipstick , drinking coffee and adjusting my I-pod is a piece of cake compared to this multitasking I was trying to pull off.)

I get off the road onto the side…still with the “Not on my bag, not on my bag” Finally when Jamie looks at me and says “Leia, She can’t help it.” I was slapped back into mom mode.

So here is where our decision to leave at 4:30 in the morning seemed like a really crappy idea. It was about 20 degrees, pitch black, and we were out in the middle of Montross somewhere…what, never heard of it? That’s what I am talking about!

There was a “Get n’ Zip” that was open. We pulled in the drive, of course there were no public restrooms. So we are trying to change Caroline’s clothes in zero wind chill, clean out the back seat…and did I mention I am a gagger…yeah it was lovely.

The people in the store kept looking out the window at us like we were a circus side show. I still contend they were starting a lotto to see who was going to get sick next. If the guessed me they would be right.

Jamie pulls the almighty bag off to the light to try and clean off my belongings, which he knew better than to suggest I do it…I go in to the store to buy a thing of Fabreeze and some paper towels, to clean out the car. I leave the store after spending about 10 dollars, and my first born son. When the woman behind the counter says, “Are y’all ok?”

I told her what had happened and she backed away from me saying “oh,…oh….ooohhhhhh” as though I had sneezed on her hand personally or something.

We got somewhat cleaned up, enough to get to Maryland, and daylight, and civilization before the second wave of stomach losing started. But we were prepared with plastic bags at this point. We were like a well oiled machine, and Caroline was like clock work, every two hours on the dot.
After lunch where she was sick in the rest stop she got better. Well, Kind of...Other than having rub antibacterial all over her face, hands, arms, and really just wanting to dip her in some sort of non toxic acid and escort her out with a pair of tongs. I made the mistake of peaking in on her and found her on her knees hugging, and resting her head on the seat of the rest stop toilet

The other people in the bathroom were a little confused by my frantic "Get up, Get up, Get up, oh man, that is gross...Get up" Yeah…that was a moment where I did consider leaving her there, but then was feeling pretty guilty about trying to get her to fling her self out of the moving vehicle earlier that morning so I let her stay. However, I will be real honest, I am not sure that she will ever get clean enough to get the stank of that place off her! Lol

I guess it was my Karma, because by the time we hit Connecticut, I was feeling a bit on the ooogy side. I called my mom to tell her we were almost home in Wells, and by the time I hung up the phone, and unloaded the car, I too had assumed the THP (Toilet Hugging Position)
No one else in the family has gotten it…just me and Caroline…and I still think mine was payback…

And the infamous bag? It is still in the garage, neither my husband nor myself have dared to look…the books aren’t due until next week, and the next school board meeting isn’t for a couple weeks…it can wait…I am not sure for what….a miracle rain of antibacterial or perhaps a Puke Fairy… there’s a fairy for everything else…there has to be one of those too…I think I will wait for her….

I Made a Goodie

For my lovely new Nephew Edward Bradford...

He was Baptised this weekend, thus the little trip to VA...

I never did get a picture of the finished blanket, but I do have one of the little bugger on it...and if I do say so, it is much cuter with his little mug on here is a piece of my hand-I-work!

Let me Clarify, The blanket is my handiwork....Edward was crafted by Jerry and Ellen....I can't take any credit for him!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Days that ADD Gets Me

We are headed to VA for the weekend....yes the weekend...I suppose this is my penance for living far away...we have to travel 12 (or 15 depending on the family we are visiting) hours for a long weekend. Not that it is bad when we are there, but with three kids, the amount of planning, packing, laundry, shopping, cleaning and preparation makes it almost an insurmountable task the week before and the week of deconstruction (when you get home.)

This is where the ADD gets to me. People laugh at my endless lists and notes taped all over my house, but honestly? If I don’t have a list running at all times, I could conceivably sit with my finger in my nose all week and get to the day we are supposed to leave and say “whoops, honest, I forgot!”

So in order to avoid such things (along with not particularly wanting my finger in my nose) I have a running list of all the things that I have to do before I leave.

The problem is I have the attention span of Gnat on speed…so I start on one thing that I need to accomplish, like, finishing the laundry so that I can pack. This will last about…oh…10 minutes before I get distracted and go to the next thing, packing. After about 10 minutes of searching for things I realize that I have to finish the laundry before I can continue. At this point, it would be reasonable to think that I would go back to the laundry…nope…because I picked up a shirt with a cat on it and realized that the cats needed to be fed, and that I need to clean the box before we leave.

I go to feed the cats, which reminds me that I should make a list of snacks that I should get for the trip. I start to write that out, when I realize that we haven’t gotten the stuff for the Valentines Day cards the kids have to make…so I go in search of what materials we already have…

I would go on, but your brain is probably about to explode at this point… *

Needless to say, when I go to cross things off my list, I can only half-cross out ¾ of them…and that is a good day.

Rest assured, it will all get done…in Pie Time, which has been an incomprehensible phenomenon since…oh…about 1972…

Luckily, when Jamie comes home, and the house is turned upside down and there are piles of started projects in each room, he has learned to just let it be instead of commenting on my organizational skills…

Which is a good thing, because dealing with him might make it onto one of my lists, and who KNOWS what would happen then.

* and to be honest, this is really when I decided to take a break and blog about being disorganized, rather than get organized and finish...ONE taks today...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Guilt is ALWAYS Lurking

So yesterday when I posted about Henry laying on the floor an moaning, I didn't feel the least bit guilty...I mean, life goes on, get up and get on with it... right??????

Yeah, nothing like a trip to the pediatricians, then to the hospital for chest x-rays to humble your snarky butt.

Little man has an ear infection and pneumonia...yeah. I AM FEELING LIKE MOM OF THE YEAR.

So today, the boy is laying on the couch saying "I want lunch mommy" and even though it is 10:18...I am getting ready to hop to and get that boy some lunch, because I fear that if I don't perhaps he will break a leg or something....

I also am considering holding an exorcism in my house to rid it of what ever unholy germs are residing here, because clearly since Christmas we have been under siege...

Link of the Day

I thought I would link to this entry from our Neighborhood Librarian today...because somehow I really loved it.

Not that I should be surprised. Her wit and book info is always refreshing.

OK so, first off, I am just going to say that the books that she is reading right now are…well, making me feel that my two brain cells rubbed together aren't cutting in anymore!

But her comments just made me laugh. Woodrow Wilson DOES look like the nicest guy in the world...I mean...he kinda looks like he would have opened the Whitehouse door to trick-or-treater’s doesn't he? (Albeit that might have been a little scary, and we would have questioned a president that actually did that...nonetheless, he does look like a nice fellow.)

So read and enjoy.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Wants Through Henry's Eyes

Henry has been really sick this weekend. So I have been a little bit lenient about the TV...because otherwise my melodramatic little man lays on the tile floor in the kitchen and repeats “uuuhhhhh, I’m sick….uuuuhhhh I’m sick"

Let me tell you how long you can listen to that...try pounding nails under your fingernails...yup about that long. So alas, I have given in to the big bad TV monster. He has gotten attached to a particular Franklin where Bear has a baby brother.

This morning Henry sidles up to me all sweetness and smiles, and puts his head on my shoulder…

“Mom, I want a baby brother…and a moose animal and a bird.”

seeing my look of horror he continues:

“But if you have to, they can be stuffed...not the baby brother though, he has to be real so he can play”

I am not sure that you all are even wondering about my response to this…

Henry is still sitting out in the snow bank I threw him in an hour ago…

I am only kidding…he is actually on the couch...we are currently sitting in an odd silence...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I AM an Expert

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

So hey, I am an expert mom according to Mr Bohr here. Thankgoodness...I was starting to worry since my kids are always trying to go home with other families....

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Blogs Have Personality Types

Ever wonder what brand of crazy you are spouting on your blog? Typalyzer will tell you your personality type based on your blog.

Thanks to Bookshelves of Doom for posting this, it was interesting...while I am normally an ENFP or INFJ depending on how outgoing I feel that day, or how pissed at the world I am at the moment, however, my blog type was the following:

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of. They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

I can agree with some of this...but um...a shrinking violet I am not...(especially if you give me a microphone...then I think I am a rock star...)

So as with everything...take it for what it is worth. It was fun to do!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Maybe THATS the Problem...

Henry is sneezing his brains out, literally.

Henry has yet another cold. So I am doing the, tissue chase, which is really not only to make him more comfortable, but to protect my entire house from being covered with his runny nose by the end of day.

When he blows his nose, I find (like many other things) I say the same thing my parents did to me:

"Blow, Blow harder, Blow your brains out" To get three good blows before taking the tissue away...

Today at lunch Henry's nose was running, and I asked if he needed a tissue, his response?

Typical Henry: "Ive been getting a lot of those."

Me: "What Tissues?"

Henry: "No, those runny brains coming out."

Note to self: Children are very literal, must remember so as not to alarm preschool teachers when my son goes to school complaining of his brains running out.

Killer Icicles and Pretty Blankets

I am pretty sure that you may have clicked on this entry just because the title sounded a bit exotic... well it isn't.

OK so maybe the killer icicle is. Those of you that have read "The Lovely Bones" and wanted the guy who died by the icicle to die a horrible death...this one is for you:

I tried to get my grill in there so that you would know how Large this puppy is. My husband is a little scared of it, he tried to take it down with a shovel, then we decided perhaps it would discourage our neighbors dog from pooping in our yard if it was looming overhead...either is a monster and is growing everyday...

OK so the blanket thing: My sister and brother-in-law got me this exquisite blanket the other day..... I look at it every day and just smile, it is a deep red, and the opposite side is a tan two colors of choice...and it just makes me happy.

It isn't only my colors, but it also has leaves and birds on it...two of my other favorite things on fabric...(along with circles, and owls...)

So since it makes me happy I am sharing it here.

All because I won school board and they were proud of me...hmmmm, wonder what I get if I run for vice-president...I figure since I am running for school board now, the way that qualifications are going these days, I should be ready for a Vice President nomination in 4 years, besides, I can ALMOST see Canada from my house!

(Just a little humor no offending intended)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I promised Henry wouldn't make my days serious forever!

Jamie is on his way up to Bucksport for a meeting tonight, so the kids and I are dining on 5 star affair...grilled cheese and soup from a can...I know that I should do better than that, but somehow, I just can't seem to get motivated to feed my that a problem?

So we are sitting at the bar, (because apparently not only can I not fix my kids a healthy meal, I can't manage to set a table for them to eat at either...) Marshall announces that they are studying electricity in science. Caroline, my ever curious child says "what exactly is electronicity???" (no that is not a typo)

Henry turns in all seriousness and says "It is when Atoms are 2 degrees"

Now, I have to tell you, I look in astonishment at the boy, thinking...oh perhaps you ARE smart, maybe all those times you were banging your head on the wall, and running in circles until you fell I jumped to conclusions... (not that this was an accurate description of electricity, but to know that it involved atoms, well that was exciting.)

Then he proceeds to giggle and say "Atom tickles me and plays rough games"

Yeah, that's when I realized that he was talking about Adam his cousin and who in the heck knows what in the world the 2 degrees was...well, at least I had a moment of hope that the boy would someday move out of my may have been a fleeting moment, but I had it.

Things That Make You Say HMMMMM

I know that I have fallen on the serious side a few times lately, but no worries, my life is still a circus with little to no end of funny material to write about.

However, If you have kids, or have ever been a student well, I think that this is a good thing to watch...

A fellow school board member sent this to all of us the other day....

Monday, February 2, 2009

Why I Would Rather Be on the Board Than in the Office

OK so I have a new train wreck show. We all know that I have a weakness for really bad TV...

It all started with Joe Millionaire when we first moved to Maine. We had no life and our apartment was freezing, so we would get in bed and watch TV...

There has also been The Rock of Love. I generally can't even watch a whole show because I feel an extreme need to shower after about 10 minutes. It is just horrible, but I somehow can't stop watching...

but this one... this one has me hooked. Even my husband couldn't turn it off. We sat there with drool coming out of the corner of our mouths as our brains slowly turned to mush through the TruTV cannel…that I didn’t even know existed until yesterday.

We were both tired, so we decided to just take a break and sit for a few minutes… It all started out innocent enough, I poured through my seed catalogues, he did Sudoko puzzles and we left the “to do” list on the refrigerator.

Then, like a little beacon of light, The Principal's Office...Click on it...I dare you...

Maybe it is just because I was a middle school teacher, that I got so addicted, because it brought back the memories of how obnoxious kids are at that age...or perhaps it was flash backs to how obnoxious I WAS at that age...But one thing is for sure...this is why I am thinking about home schooling my daughter in middle school!

This was our favorite one, (it has been made shorter than the one on the actually show so it isn't quite as funny...but still you get the point!) We both just sat there not knowing whether we would have laughed or knocked the boys heads together, but either way…we were entertained until we felt so guilty for watching that much TV that we peeled ourselves off the couch to get takeout...