My Handy Dandy Invention

As you know, I am still painting after our massive reconstruction of our home. I decided the other afternoon to take on the hall way and the stairwell…yes, the dreaded stairwell.

Now as we all know, necessity breeds invention, so here is mine: My Super Duper Edging the Sky Tool! I know, I know, I AM A GENIUS! (It is a painting pole, with the roller screwed to the top, (minus the roller) and the edging paintbrush duct taped to the top of the roller...hey I needed leverage!)

I was talking to my mother as I was constructing this magnificent contraption. As I explained what I was doing I just got the:

LONG PAUSE of disbelief that she raised me..."uh, okaaaayyyyy" long drawn out OK as if to say "I paid for college for this???"

But I want you all to know, and by all I mean YOU MOM. I was able to edge the stairwell with this!
My only question from this adventure in being an inventor...is:

WHY do we have stairwells that are 4000 feet tall over the stairs? Unless you are Big Foot, or a flying squirrel it is impossible to reach. I suppose if you get one of those contortionist ladders you might be able to get up there, but who needs that when you can just use duct tape and a pack of gum?

MacGyver would be so freaking proud of me!

(Remember him? I had SUCH a crush on him. I mean who wouldn’t have…the man stopped a nuclear melt down with a Hershey bar and pack of gum! ( *SIGH* remembering my love of Richard Dean Anderson....)

The Cool Factor

I just would like to say that now I have had a hit from Russia and South Africa. Not that they stayed long, and I am fairly sure that they will never visit me again. I probably don't translate and come across as a crazy lady who shouldn't have kids...

oh wait...maybe I DO translate!

In that case, I am fairly sure that there is someone out there saying "stay away from PIE" it is a bad influence. Which could cause problems in the pastry industry. See the destruction I cause!

At this point my family is cussing 'analytics' and my ability to see these things, and are rolling their eyes, because they are worried I will go on a long winded tour of my stay in Russia when I did and exchange in High School. (a small obsession of mine...) I WONT.

However, I will....

give you a photo shot of me at 17 in Russia!

Yeah I know great Hat, but it really wasn't that bad, the wind was blowing it up like Gomer Pile. I am not sure what I am doing with my face...but hey...IT WAS RUSSIA does it matter?

I am Wondering...

Why my son keeps singing:
"Goodbye apple, Goodbye apple, Goodbye apple, I am going to eat you soon."

could it be? Just maybe? A sign that my child will eat a fruit or vegetable in his future?

I may just be being getting my hopes up...

Damn the Children's Goodbye songs....Damn them....
(I say this in sarcasm, not anger, I do not wish ill upon children's song writers, because, well, that would be wrong...right???)

Ahhhh The Books of Yester Year...

...before we worried about damaged psyches and litigation.

I was pawing through some things in my attic the other day and came across two children’s books. One was my favorite book as a kid, the other, one that my mom gave me when I was in college.

Today though, I am only going to talk about “The Littlest Rabbit.” It was my favorite book as a little kid. I read it so many times that the pages are worn thin, and of course my name is written all over it.

(Like everything else I owned...or didn't, like the bathroom counter that I carved my name into with a ball point pen. Apparently I had a lot of time to sit there and think of doing that. I also wrote the ABC's on the side of the counter down stairs. I think I may have been in my 20's when my dad finally had to repair it to move, and I STILL got in trouble.)

Being the youngest in the family, you can see the draw that I would have had to a story like this… The heart warming story of a tiny rabbit that everyone picked on, who when he finally got big, had his day of reckoning with those big rabbits. It was OK though, because he was a nice rabbit to all the little rabbits telling them that he too was once the littlest rabbit, and look, now he kicks some ass.

You know, it’s a tear jerker. lol. But it was my prized possession.

I found it, thinking that it would be fun to read to Henry, until I read it. Um...yeah, I am holding off. I think he would take the "punching one and kicking the other" a little too to heart and my girls may get upset if I encouraged that side of him. I did read it to my sensible eldest...her response?

"This was your favorite book? Where did it come from? People get beat up in it."

I am all “Yeah I KNOW, You’re the oldest....you don’t get it.”

I AM mature aren’t I!?!

Parents Hear the Darndest Things

Giving thanks at the table, my daughter says
"Take care of the endangered animals, and the poor, sick, and hungry"

Suddenly the table is shaking, I look up, and my husband is giggling at the other end. I am thinking to myself...hmmmm, I wonder when the poor, sick, and hungry became comedy...although in these times, it could have just been a maniacal, we are going there soon, laugh... but no, it was slowly turning into a guffaw.

My girls quizzically looking at Jamie and then to me, because, they were thinking...if that was me you would be stepping on my foot under the table...HARD.

I gave the big eyed, motherly, wifely, "knock it off" look, and Jamie said:

"I am pretty sure that she didn't say this, but I heard 'Take care of the Indians and Camels, and the poor, sick, and hungry.' I was just wondering what was wrong with the camels."

So it isn't just my kids...its our hard of hearing old age too....

Being Responsible for Young Minds

Yes, it is a scary day in the Northeast folks. I have been given the responsibility for growing little brains in the subject of Agriculture. I am starting my little 3-5 year old Ag Class "Come Grow With Me" (I know, I know, just ignore it)

Now this isn't as far fetched as it may seem...it is what my extensive college education that I paid for longer than I used it, was all about. However, in my past life, I was only responsible for Middle School and High School brains. The ones that were too busy tuning me out while trying to grab a look at the cute boy who changes classes at about the same time, or sticking gum to the bottom of a desk, or, well, they were pubescent kids, they very well could have been thinking about nothing...just a vast array of blankness and itunes, and that would have been likely too. (Hormones do funny things to us.) I loved those years, and teaching those kids...I did however pick that age group for a reason, preschoolers scare me....therefore...I am scared....very scared to be faced with 13 of them on Wednesday.

There is something about those little minds with big eyes that are staring up at you as though they are waiting for the next bit of easily misinterpreted agriculture information they will absorb and regurgitate all mangled up at the dinner table to their horrified parents. Or the looks of disdain from the over protective mothers when I actually make their kids dirty during a planting activity... yup, I am a little scared to be teaching those toddler types.

I guess the bright side of working with this age group, is you can get them to do almost anything. They won't even give you a funny look if you ask them to float around the room like a leaf falling from a tree, or to all pick animals and make that sound to create a "barnyard experience" in the room. That is so down their alley.

And if all else fails, and action rhymes don't bribe them, surely the use of glue will. I have yet to meet a little kid who doesn't LOVE to use glue...and it is the rare mother that actually lets them use it in their own home. So if nothing else...I will be the glue queen in the preschooler kingdom.

So think of me Wednesday as I take on the preschooler kingdom, and I will go in armed with cheesy farm songs, and my arsenal of glue and smelly markers. Yeah, I will rock their world!

Kid's Say the Darndest Things

1. Me on the way to the bus stop "Come on Buckaroo, lets roll, we have to get to the bus stop."
Henry on the way home "Come on buffalo lets go rolling we have make it home." um... close enough.

2. However innocently, there are things you Never expect to hear your niece and your son playing in the Den:
"OK Henry, I am a very dirty girl, you give me a bath"
"Is this water too hot for you? let me get a washcloth"

Mom breaks in "OK ANYONE READY FOR A SNACK!"

3. Henry and his friend Jack disappear for a little bit at Jacks house. His mom and I go upstairs to find that they have locked themselves in Jacks room and are playing "bedtime" Henry was being the mom, putting Jack to bed, and singing nice little tunes...it was all really sweet and Dana and I sat outside the room and giggled, all of the sudden we hear them laugh and Elmo laugh and Henry "Ooh Tickle Me Elmo" Then we sat out side the room holding our sides from busting.

4. And lastly, good things for the self esteem....
"Lets play jungle, I am a lion"
"OK Henry what am I?"
after some serious contemplation and sizing me up. "You are a very big elephant with a big nose and ears"

And you wonder why I need wine?

Gottah Love JIBJAB

This was actually JibJabs response to the Tina Fey SNL skit that I posted earlier this week. So I thought it only fair to post this one as well.

Not to mention as we get closer to election time, I just can't help but get more and more cynical...but hey, I am allowed, I actually read, and make sure I am at least a slightly educated voter...I am allowed some fear this election!

I got a chuckle out of this, it slams both parties, but really? I love Bob Dylan, so Hey, Maybe that was half of it.

Secrets

Yeah I know, we aren't supposed to keep secrets. In fact it is in the parental survival guide that it is imperative to convince your children to think that they will spontaneously combust if they lie to you...I mean how else are you to find out what they are really doing after school???

I do however; believe that there are times where those little secrets are OK. You know, like birthday presents, surprises, or accidentally putting mayonnaise on your husband's sandwich, (which he hates) and wiping it off and covering it with mustard so that he won't notice... You know little things like that.

But I guess nothing is a secret when you have little ones around. The statement "He doesn't ever have to know, just don't mention it" obviously went in one ear and out the other, OR perhaps Caroline thought she saw smoke coming off her arm and was fearing the self combustion thing. Needless to say, as soon as Jamie came downstairs, the first thing out of her mouth was "Did you tell Daddy?"

Me having already forgotten what happened, was all "huh?" and I got that wide eyed rolling of the eyes, stomp of one foot, "YOU KNOW"

Baffled and not having enough coffee yet, I didn't know...and I hate that game anyway, because most of the time these days? I barely remember my name much less anything that may have happened 5 minutes ago... I refer to it as :"the three alien children that came out of my body sucked my brains out for food as they left syndrome." After about 5 minutes of "You know", and "No, I don't know" I finally just said, what are you talking about?

"Did you tell Dad about his, you know, SANDWICH." Ahhh nice...she ratted me out.**

Jamie sort of looked at his sandwich in a nervous way wondering about all the Hemlock that surrounds our yard. So I told him. It wasn't a big deal, but come on...can't kids keep little secrets???

I suppose it is a good thing in the long run, when Marshall comes down to breakfast in the morning when she is 18, and Caroline is all "Did you tell them????...You know, about sneaking out of the house, stealing the car and going 'cruising' with your best friends???" I guess until then I will just be careful with the mayonnaise.



**This is totally my payback for being the same way when I was a kid...my parents bought my sister a guitar for her birthday and bribed me with a harmonica to keep me quiet... I am not sure that I had even gotten both feet in the house when I looked at my sister and said "Don't worry Stephanie, we didn't get you a guitar." yeah, I sucked too.

Just Say No

Anyone who has ever worked in a library knows that they are really funny places to work. Seriously! I have worked in a library in some way or fashion, on and off, since I was 15. When you have worked in a free public building that long...you have seen some stuff.

It is a known fact that there are some quirky people that hang out in libraries...even more than just the librarians themselves. (I am getting cyber glares from my librarian friends...) Because you see them so often, some patrons have developed nick names that all the librarians can recognize them by.

Names like: “Tube Sock Man”, “Perfume Man”, “Building a Bomb in his Mothers Basement Guy”*, “Sleazy Mobster Guy,” and "I want to be your friend Guy” (He is the one that used to yell "I just wanted to be your friend" whenever I would leave the room he was sitting in).

Ahhh yes, Libraries tend to have all sorts of strange people convene in their reading rooms. In fact once, when I was in high school working at a library, a man wrapped himself in toilet paper, naked, and ran through the library. That was “nude mummy guy.”

There is a story here. One night when I was working “Creepy Serial Killer Guy”** was bleeding on his arm and asked me for a Band-Aid. I went out back to get him one, when I came back, he said his hands weren’t working right and could I put it on him…

Now, I like to think of myself as a really nice person...for the most part... But with being nice, and trying to always think about others first, I have developed this problem where I have a hard time saying no. Jamie may whole heartedly disagree with this, but in the setting that I am discussing, I tend to fall off the fence onto the "lets not make waves" side rather than the "Have a freaking back bone Leia, side"

So what did I do? I did it.

YEAH I KNOW…I itched the rest of the night feeling like something was crawling all over me I was so grossed out. There wasn’t enough antibacterial in the world when I got home to cure my problem… I have GOT to learn to say no! If not to a creepy bleeding dude in the library than to who???? Where does it end?


* This guy had a copy of a Chemistry text book out for at least one year…and was very nervous when you talked about fertilizers…(No Leila it isn’t who you think it is)

**I am going to say that I don’t know for sure that he is a serial killer, but he is one of those people that the minute he looks at you, you want to flee like the little screaming child you know you are!

The Bounty Before Frost

Here is our last little bit from the garden. And yes that is my totally hip self in the background with my cut offs and straw cowboy hat...yeah....I AM COOL. I may get some more growth on my beets (which were pretty pitiful this year), and I have a couple small eggplant, probably more beans, but that big white target bag full of them ought to be enough! I got a few last tomatoes, cucumbers and squash. Obviously our magnificent pumpkins, however we are down one, as Jamie dropped it on the way to the steps and well...Smashing Pumpkins is not only a band. We got a slew of potatoes, and 5 smaller, watermelons. I think that is 10 total for the season, from just two plants

So This weekend I made Strawberry Jam from the late strawberries that we picked at Dole Orchard, (that place is Beautiful and we had a blast!)
Not to mention, more bread and butter pickles for my dad, along with Watermelon rind pickles for my MIL. Yes, I did also hang mirrors, paint rooms, and get stuff done around the addition too...I was happy to have had a productive weekend...

I Don't Care if You are Blue or Red...

That is just funny right there....

Face Book is Not a Weapon

I think the last words spoken from Jen to me on email were "Don't make me get out that picture of you in the big blue dress..." This was a threat after loading a picture of her with a big bow on her head in my room and sending it to her. (we were in 8th grade I think at the time...big bows were really cool...I am sure of it...)

Now before you jump all over me for using Face Book as a weapon, she made me a pin of me in the back of her car…so fair is fair. But then I loaded one of her on a tractor and one of us at Myrtle Beach and then…well you get the point. She is now ready to impale me through the eye with a jazz shoe; there were so many pictures from the 80’s.



I think I may be a menace to society with my camera. Since I was in second grade and got my first 110 film camera, I have taken pictures, and I have albums upon albums of them. (Jamie will confirm this since he has had to move them with each move since 1994 when we started dating. I guess I did put him to work early huh?)

So, yes, it was a big blue dress, in fact it was a little BoPeep dress...a very scary blast from my past as a freshman in High School in the 80's. The foreign exchange student Rolf, asked me to prom...not because there was some burning desire to go with ME in particular, mind you. In fact, I am not really sure if we ever talked before he asked me. But I was friends with his host family, he was deathly shy, and I guess, they figured I was nice enough to say yes. Now that is nothing against Rolf, he was a very nice guy, truly. It just was sort of like an arranged marriage.

And my memories of this night? Wearing a Jessica McClintock dress that was entirely too frilly to fit my personality, Being so hot from the satin sticking to me everywhere, getting sick to my stomach while I was there because I was nervous, and my friends being relentless, and standing under my window while I was getting ready, singing at the top of their lungs: “Leia in Blue, is dancing with Rolf” (to the “Lady in Red” song) but you know what? In the effort of being fair to Jen, and to prevent her from “having to come over here and kick my butt” I am going to defend myself…

Here it is, just please while you are looking at this debacle in a blue dress, sing “That’s What Friends are For” because that was the number one song in 1986...and now we are even!

Now I feel Guilty

Now I am feeling guilty because I didn't even post the pics of my girls' first day...and my even steven first born will feel slighted for sure. So here is their first day...they are so cute, and so...different. But they are having a ball in school and glad to be back and out of this house!

Little Mans First Day of Preschool

So today was little mans first day of preschool. I am sure that this is supposed to stir up all sorts of emotions, crying, sadness that he is moving on in the world...but really? I just sat staring at my cell phone waiting for them to call me and tell me to come get him for any number of offences I was imagining in my head. Maiming someone with a paintbrush after having a John Deere taken out of his hand, pooping in his pants and hiding it in a corner of the room, throwing a temper tantrum about having to go inside, outside, to the bathroom, or eat something he didn't want...you get the picture.


But alas, no phone call, not even a blip on the radar. I went to pick him up thinking, "wow, it was a successful day!"


Of course, I cannot have something go off with out a hitch, that might alter the universe in some adverse way.

So, I am thinking that things were all great...we pull into the garage after preschool. Henry opens the door, and proceeds to fall out of the car, knocking his head on the door, and has a lump the size of Arkansas on his head that is now black and blue and is turning slowly into a shiner too...

Arkansas....Do you know how big that state is?????

Hey Check Out the Size of My Melon

Pretty awesome ain't it!
Too bad this couldn't have been ready a couple weeks ago when it was hot, and the idea of watermelon juices running down your arms in the hot weather at the beach was a wonderful thought! BUT, hey, fresh from the garden watermelon anytime is a good thing. We had 10 this year, and from just two plants. They were pretty prolific and I will plant them again next year!

And yes Bonnie, I will make watermelon rind pickles from this baby for you!

My Sister Sent me a Funny

Those of you who are currently in a cast from filling out the first day of school forms, or are screening the phone calls from the school insisting that you fill them out more legibly (due to over consumption of wine after first day of school celebrating) You may like to read this.

I thought I was full of snark. At least we can all get a little laugh now and again!

Thank you to my sister who sent this to me.

A little Color Crazy

I believe I alluded to this situation not all that long ago...but I seemed to have suffered from some sort of head injury when I decided to pick out my colors for the new addition. I must have banged my head on something hard in the stand off with the Dr last month.

At any rate, that is what I am claiming. As many of you know, this has not, and mean NOT been the greatest summer of all time. In fact it has fallen so short of that, that it has become the giant debacle we called summer.

So in this state of mind, I chose to let my kids pick the colors for their new rooms and bathroom. I thought, “How bad could it be???” So we went to Lowes, and let the girls loose in the color swatch isle.

You can learn a lot about your kids when you do this… You can learn that there is not a chance in this world that they are yours…that somehow an alien must have implanted this wild color loving child into your womb, only to torture your beige, cream and black world as they grow up.

Caroline excited to be given any kind of control over her life, (typical middle child) came to me with the idea that every wall in her room could be a different color, one green, one yellow, one purple, one pink, and the ceiling could be orange. Not to worry, my summer wasn’t THAT BAD. Marshall on the other hand wanted her room to be lime green. We aren’t talking a cute little Mellon green; we are talking eyes gorged out of your head in pain bright green. Henry just wanted red, Mickey freaking Mouse red.

(I know that my father at this point is laughing because Red is his favorite color, along with any derivative of red that there is out there. My son is the same way. I suspect that secretly Pops is chalking one point up for him in the gene pool pass-along.)

I finally bargained enough to get the color scheme toned down a bit…but mind you, only ONE child toned it down to beige…and that was Henry. Pretty much I just took advantage of his short attention span. Then as I painted his room he started to cry and say he wanted red. Jamie, the one who seems to think that raising a boy means, let his do and have what ever he wants…made me feel guilty that the girls got what they wanted, and shamelessly went and got him red paint so that he could have one red wall!

I know, I know, what point is it being a parent if you relinquish all control? Head injury folks, Head injury…that is my story and I am sticking to it.

Here is what we ended up with. Caroline with a pink and yellow room,
Marshall with two blues, electric royal blue, and light blue,
Henry with Brown and Red…But...it does match his comforter that I am making him...
and yes….A LIME GREEN BATHROOM.
Look out grandparents; you will have a rude awakening when you stumble into that bathroom first thing in the morning!

Brads Garage Update #9

Here is the vanity from Hell, that our plumber didn't want to deal with. Thankfully we had a friend that used to be a plumber that was nice enough and had time to help us get it in...

Thank you Kevin!

It looks nice, but there are a lot of tears and but swearword Karma that surround it...And yes, I do know that we actually have to hang the mirrors! All in good time, all in good time.

Now we are working on getting all the doors straight, trim in, and I am hoping this weekend to start work on the book case and the medicine cabinet for the girls bathroom...I know, I know, we will be working on this when I turn 100...but daggonit, it will get done eventually! HA.

Gargantuan Children

My poor gargantuan children, it is so sad when it comes time for back to school shopping. I have three kids, and while they were all born normal sized, with in a year, they had grown as though they were in a personal race toward 6’5”.

My oldest child who is 9 looks like she is an awkward 14, my 7 year old looks like a 10 year old that is in line with all the little kids waiting to beat them up to steal their snacks. And Henry, well at barely 3, they thought he was a kindergartener when I took him to the girls’ orientation the other night.

Everyone says that it is wonderful to have tall children…and it is on many levels, but let me tell you, when your 2 year old, acts like, well, a 2 year old does, parents look at you in disgust and distain as though you have a terrible 6 year old still wearing diapers and unable to complete a sentence…and trust me I have had nasty comments from those sweater set moms at the playground before.

But school shopping? That is just a whole other thing all together. My girls, since they left 6X behind when they were in preschool, have been unable to dress their age unless I darn my thread and needle for years. Instead I go to the stores only to find clothes that for all intensive purposes, look like perhaps Goldie the transvestite Stripper may have put them in the dryer a little too long. I look longingly at the 3T-6X clothes and just WISH MY KIDS COULD FIT IN THEM.

If I really wanted my children to grow up to be pole dancers and strippers, I probably would have chosen better names…(What is that rule? The street you grew up on and your dogs name…Garrison Shane….)

I found myself flipping through the racks of gold sequins, and shorts that are cut off so short that I am not sure her back would be covered much less her butt. I mean what exactly IS the purpose of pants that are low riders, AND only have ½” hem line? Certainly not to clothe someone. I was waiting to see an ad for the tight shirts that was “Buy 3 and redeem coupon for free implants.”

Then there is the 80’s fashion that is coming back…you know those big shirts and leggings…OH MY RAINBOW, LIKE WHAT EVERRRRRR. I feel like the store has been repossessed by the Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink. I mean, Gag me with a spoon. But I suppose it isn’t really the 80’s returns, it is more like the 80’s with a HO from the strip influence. Because I know I wasn’t let out of the house in materials that clung to my butt at 7 years old!

What is a mom to do? I picked the best I could, and sent my overgrown children to school hoping that no one would think that they were the teacher or held back for 10 years. It would be nice if making our kids look their age didn’t involve a platinum card, or a strange cult that wroships Laura Ingles. AHHHHHH the start of school, gotta love it.

Bob the Building

Just a little funny side note, since I haven't been documenting the stories of Henry lately. Yesterday we were riding in the car, and he said "Mom, can we listen to Bob the buildin'?"

I figured he was talking about Bob the Builder. Not something that we watch a whole lot, but I figured he had seen something with his picture or what ever. So I told him we didn't have any Bob the Builder music.

He promptly said: "Not Bob the builder mom, Bob the Buildin' the one who sings "wind in the Blow"

After about 5 minutes of thinking I said
"Do you mean Bob Dylan, Blowing in the Wind?"

Relieved that I had finally come to my senses Henry responds "YES, Bob the Dylan Blowing on the wing."

AHHHHHH how could I possibly have not understood that???????

What can I say? We have more about Boobahs

What to say... what to say... This has been the longest hiatus from blogging that I have taken since starting to write. I thought that I was just sending my brand of crazy out into cyber world with out anyone listening until I started to get emails wondering if Child Protective Services really had picked me up, or if I had been abducted by aliens. But alas, no, I simply had my life blow up in my face. So now after like 2 weeks of no writing I am forced to grapple with what to tell you about.I mean, should it be the addition? my dying garden? Or perhaps the rotting food on my counter that calls to me in my sleep as I dream of being attacked by smooshy cucumbers and squash. Should it be the first day of school? Nah...You know that my life is much more interesting than that...Ah...how about the fact that my son now feels the need to feel my up in public at very inappropriate times? Yeah, that is definitely more what you expect from me huh, yeah I know my pigeon hole don’t worry.So apparently I cannot wear a certain tank top in public with my son any more. I bought two of them. (They are not risqué mind you...I mean I got them at Eddie Bauer outlet... how risqué is Eddie Bauer? Seriously, they are the mom clothes of my generation, so we aren't talking sexy back here.) But whenever I wear them, my son has a very inappropriate response.

Yesterday while talking to my sister at the library, Henry felt the need to run his hands up and down the front of me enough that my sister and I, in a serious conversation, were trying not to spew coffee out our noses. I thought that it was a fluke; Henry was trying to get my attention because I was chatting with Steph.

BUT NO, I had to mail a package at the UPS center. I was trying to discuss the tracking number, and how this was going to work and again, my son, felt the need to feel me up in front of the man behind the counter (who was about 23 or so). So here is how it went down folks:

I put him down saying “stop it” in my embarrassed quiet voice.

Henry: “WHY?” in his screechy toddler voice
Me: “Henry, I am trying to talk to this man”
Man: Trying to look away, and pretend there was something really interesting on the ceiling, and on the floor, so that I might not notice that HE noticed that my son was inappropriately touching me.
Henry: “BUT I WANT YOU TO HOLD ME”
Me: “OK, I will hold you, but you need to sit still” still being squirrelly about addressing the real situation at hand.

I pick Henry back up, and immediately, he starts rubbing his hand up and down the front of my shirt. I put him down immediately. Being done with my transaction, I just say thank you and start to head out of the store. The man is clearly trying not to laugh, my face is BURNING…so could this just end like this? Nothing said, no mention of it, and everyone just pretending I didn’t just have a moment like tripping over the sidewalk in front of everyone…OH NO!

As we are leaving, Henry yells out at the top of his voice while stomping his feet
“BUT MOMMY I WANT TO FEEL YOUR BOOBAHS”
As I opened the door to leave, I hear the guy behind the counter along with everyone else in the entire store bust out laughing.

Yeah, I won’t be showing my face in that store again anytime soon.