Friday, December 19, 2008

Do you have any idea...

What it takes for a blabber mouth like me to be silent on a blog for 2 weeks? We are talking some major withdrawal, and I have so much to blog about now, that I don't even know where to start, other than, ice storm outages and catching up make for a very cranky blogger.

Let’s just start with today, I just returned from taking my grandmother to the Dr. in NH. I believe that I may have gone on the survival tips for the generational squeeze between 3 and 93...But let me just tell you, getting out of Kohl’s, with my brain still in tact, Henry still alive, and my grandmother still knowing where she was, was...well....an act of GOD.

I love my grandmother. I always feel the need to say that. I know that there are those of you out there tsk tsking me because I dare talk about her in a funny way...but you know what? It is reality and I am pretty sure that Henry will be sky writing "my mom wears Depends" when it is my turn, so I am just not going to feel too bad about it…as I always say “it is what it is."

My grandmother is starting to show her 93 years in many ways, so as most of us need, or will need when we are older, she needs a lot of assistance with getting things done. I took her Christmas shopping, so between making sure that my grandmother was following me, and my son was not too far ahead feeling the panties on a manikin (which he has been known to do) I was a little stretched.

After monitoring the decision making process on a gift for my mother which was apparently a life altering choice, and seemed to take the brain power of an I-Mac, I was able to unlatch Henry from the spinny rack that he was under spinning and get to the check out.

I was sort of relieved because we were on our way out and how bad could it be to check out right?

IT IS CHRISTMAS…in KOHLS.

(This is not to leave out any other religious celebrations this time of year but it is the Christmas celebrators that are the most militant shoppers, lets face it.)

We got in line, with the little chains to lead us in the right direction (because we wouldn’t have been able to tell that by the 1000 people in front of us)

My grandmother was starting to stress out about whether they had boxes, and if she could use a credit card, and whether the sky was going to fall in, while Henry man handled EVERY item in that “just incase you wanted more” shelving area that they put sadistically next to the line to check out.

We finally get to the check out, and my grandmother informs the woman that no, she doesn’t want a Kohls card because she doesn’t have one near her. The woman smiles and says “Oh, where are you from?” My grandmother looks at her and replies “Kennebunk.” This was followed by a confused look from the cashier and an even more confused look from my grandmother because we were only 10 minutes away from Kennebunk!

While they were in their battle of locked confusion I hear “Next Puuuwson” in a very familiar voice, I turn to find that Henry was at an empty register punching buttons and asking for the next person in line…no I am NOT kidding.

I tear him away, to swipe my grandmothers card and try to get her to sign the electronic thingy with the fake pen…which is altogether just baffling her, while looking pleadingly at the check out lady saying “Can’t you just swipe this your self???” Of course not, because then, she might break one of her 10 inch nails with spider webs embedded on them.

By the time I got them both back to the car holding hands, elbows and bags…I was ready for some alone time…and some wine…and a massage….and a lobotomy…

6 comments:

STAY AT HOME MOMMY FROM MAINE said...

Hope you are enjoying a bubblebath... alone... with a glass (or bottle) of good wine! You derserve it!!! OMG... henry cracks me up!!! I'm sure if he would have stayed on much longer they would have put him to work!!! LOL!!!

Glad you have power again, how long were you out?? What a storm!

JenHen said...

After that journey to Hell, your mother better freaking LOVE her gift!

Country Girl said...

Funny!!!!! I'd be drinking wine too. It is bad enough to go into a store with a little one but when you have someone at the other end of the spectrum that adds to the challenges.

Jodi said...

Your stories about Henry give me a glimpse into the future I'm quite certain I'm destined for with Monkey. I laugh and then gape in terror because that will be me in another year. lol

I'm glad you made it out alive! I hate shopping at this time of year!

*hands over a bottle of wine and a bottle of bubble bath*

citygirl said...

What a great post! You have certainly made up for your absence...which by the way I MISSED while you were gone! Your humor is like a glass of wine and a truffle for my soul. Thanks for sharing AND I "second" what JenHen said...your mother better freaking LOVE her gift...otherwise she owes you a bottle of wine and a box of Calgon! (remember those commercials?)

The Rabid Outdoorsman said...

Story is great! Reminds me of when I was charged about a month ago with entertaining my 2 year old and 8 month year old at the Maine Mall for three hours while Mommy tried on brides maid dresses at David's Bridal . . . it is a small wonder I survived!