Apparently All my Kids Say Weird Stuff...

Apparently All my Kids Say Weird Stuff...

Monday night we took Marshall to get her ears pierced for her birthday. She has been begging for some time, and we decided that we would surprise her with it for her birthday. It was a big surprise she didn't know it until we got her in the chair...(this was just a trick of real wizardry on my part, I knew that she would get scared and talk herself out of it, if I didn't just take her and do it.)

I have plenty of reason to believe this as we have taken her kicking and screaming to do many things, and afterward she laughs with delight…diving off the side of the wall at the pool, jumping off the diving board, going on a rollercoaster, ice-skating…pretty much anything that she can think too much about and realize that she could get hurt. I suppose it is a good thing to have a healthy awareness of your mortality, and it will probably serve her well when she is a teenager…I could have used some of that!

Anyway, she did it; she was fine, other than shaking for about ½ hour afterward.* And of course she was so excited.Later at dinner, Marshall informed us, when she is really emphatic about something she always wants to say "stinkin'" as in "I just got my stinkin' ears pierced, and I am stinkin' happy"

hmmmm....I just don't even know where to start with that…apparently all my kids are weird…

That stinkin’ apple needed to fall further…

*I will have to post the picture later, because the one Jamie took was very blurry.

Wood Creatures

So, I know that I am a little weird with my theories* and my husband always just drops his head in shame...but I have a new one!



I think that animals come back as wood knots!



(OK, so not really, but these pictures are really cool)


So now you are going to have to put on your warped PIE imagination...I know it is stretching here...but just try.

Here is an OWL:

Here is an Ostrich...the big knots are the eyes...and its beak etc... or if you look at the big knots as ears, it could be a mouse that has an unfortunate facial defect of a misplaced eye...

Here is a Horse with a go-go- gadget eye...

here is my Dragon Fly:

And here is my favorite...the Lemur...Jamie got a little tired of me singing "I like to Move it Move it"* every time I picked this board up...I am pretty sure that he puts up with me because there is a secret 3 million dollar life insurance policy on me...

I promise there were no illegal substances involved in seeing these objects....it was all me....pretty frightening isn't it!

* For those of you who don't have kids, that is the song from Madagascar that the Lemur sings through the whole movie.

I Just Don't Even Know What To Say.

I am not one to talk potty talk, but seriously, sometimes you just have to.

Henry is my challenge...well, all of them are a challenge in their own right, but Henry...he is special in so many ways. One of his "special" things is his outright refusal to poop on the potty. He has been potty trained for over a year...other than the pooping thing. I am not sure if he thinks that the toilet is going to hijack his butt or what, but I am about at my wits end with laundering gross underwear.

I am leaving to go to North Carolina with my sister for my father’s surgery, and am leaving the pooping bandit with my in-laws. This is stressful because I know how sick of it I am, and I am his mother. (If I wasn't, I think I would have returned him to the store already.)

So I took away thing that he enjoys, TV, Computer time, etc… until he uses the potty for going number 2. We have had a couple of successes, but no permanent change. HOWEVER…. The boy actually had a tiny (and I mean do mean minuscule) happening into the potty the other day…he proceeded to turn around look in the potty and say:

“Wow, look at that big Turd” (sp?)

Now mind you, I am giggling right now and barely able to type…but I still don’t know WHERE HE LEARNED THAT WORD. Now most of the time I will own up to stuff… The S bomb…yup, that was totally me. I knew it, and tried to correct it.

Jamie, I am thinking this one is ALL YOU BABE. I am cringing imagining him dropping the T word at Preschool…but its OK, I will just blame everything on Jamie…he doesn't show his face all that often around there, and won’t even notice the disapproving looks when he does.

What Happens When...

You are an impressionable 3 year old boy at a girls sleepover party?


When they have makeup?


And High School Musical?

You have pictures that will forever be used for blackmail....

Oooh Yeah...these are SO getting pulled out when he gets too big for his britches in High School...

If he was going to let his sister and her friends do this to him, he should have done it with nicer parents. OOoowaahaahaa

3 Year Old Logic

"What is a Cold Dog?" (as he is looking at his 'hot dog' )

"Can we drive through the fire tunnel on the way home?" This one had me stumped, until he said "yeah" as we drove on our road through a patch of road where the trees cover it and had turned yellow...it did kind of look like a fire tunnel.

"let me tell you a story mom. It is about a sheep that jumped out of a tractor and a cow that flipped out of a cow." (I couldn't' follow this one very well, but you get the picture.)

Just thought I would share what my conversations in the past 30 minutes have been like.

Since he is not allowed to watch TV or play on the computer due to some unfortunate circumstances, (ie...his crappy attitude), he is following me around the house asking me 100 questions, as I hang shower rods, toilet paper thingies (that IS the technical term), go grocery shopping, bake a cake for Marshall's birthday, and attempt to finish cleaning the pit I like to call home before 3.

Not to mention I had better take a shower because I am pretty sure that I am leaving a grease slick behind me as I go about the house. And I may scare off some of the parents. I figure I am safe with the Tween's, they are still in that denial phase of cleanliness. You know, they get gross and smelly, but still think they don't need to take a shower...I know I know, I should be fine with it, because shortly, (and I remember the switch going off in myself) they will be showering every 10 minutes as well as changing outfits.

Off to finish a cake....and shower? Maybe? I am sure he will stand outside the shower and talk to me the whole time I am in there...he is standing beside me right now talking as I type....

Little Shop of Horrors

OK so at our Shaw’s, or as I prefer to call it, "The Place That Will Empty My Wallet with a Loaf of Bread and a Gallon of Milk", they have these miniature carts. They are cute little carts that fill your head with nice little images of mothers perfectly coifed, and their well behaved offspring, pushing their matching carts in search of organic and healthy alternatives to Spaghettio’s.

Yeah, they CLEARLY never actually tested this principal.

If I have taken out a small loan to go to Shaw’s, and Henry is with me, he always insists on pushing one of the little carts. I generally concede to this. The alternative would be the “car cart” that inevitably doesn’t steer correctly, and will take out entire displays or other small children that cannot dodge the monstrosity approaching them fast enough. So I don’t argue. Little Man gets his cart.

My problem is, Henry seems to think that this is an opportunity to practice for his stint in NASCAR when he is of age. He starts out all normal and calm, but then he sees that wide open isle in front of him, and you can see it, he just can’t help himself, and off he goes running, and laughing pushing his cart like a wild man. Making the break noise as he veers around corners "EEEEEEERRRRRKKKK"

This ends with lots of disapproving looks from parents of yester-year with their thoughts of “I would never have allowed my child to misbehave like that.” To which my response is:

“YOU DIDN'T HAVE STUFF THAT WAS KID ORIENTED. You didn’t have to worry about it. Come on Lady, between balloons, little carts and happy meals, it is a freaking romper room of terror for mothers out here…have some heart.”

We tend to actually get through the grocery store, but I have to tell you, we got up to the check out, and Henry was unloading his cart…there were a few things in there that I had to explain weren’t mine, and I was terribly sorry could they put it back?

The checkout lady rolled her eyes as she took the Depends Undergarments, Feminine Wipes, and big bag of Milky Way Minatures, and put them in that cart they have for unwanted items.

Yeah, it was really a fun trip…*Note: Dripping Sarcasm*

Creeeeepy

Is it me or is this just border line creepy...I am not sure what person has these, and I am terribly sorry if you do, but there is something about having a stalker felt man attached to my toilet, who techincally would be looking at my butt when I go potty....OR I would be sitting in his lap as I do my business...um....eeeeewwwwwww