Friday, March 14, 2008

Confessions of a NOT so Wicked Awesome Parent

I have a rant today, I am no perfect mom. My title "Wicked awesome parent," well, that was just to bug my husband (he hates any usage of the word wicked) not a proclamation of my incredible parenting skills. I am getting a little tired of the mom madness around where I live ...

I confess, my kids don’t brush their teeth every night, and sometimes I don’t even remind them. My daughter gets a “floor bed” when we don't get her sheets on fast enough, and she thinks this is normal.

My kids sometimes eat fast food, and even worse…I think they like it better than my cooking. I bribe my kids with food, money, power, anything I can, just to survive one more day.

I do NOT feed my kids organic food and even worse….I sometimes shop at WALMART. Worse still, there have been times that I have gone in there with my sweatpants, unwashed, unkempt hair, and bribed my 2 year old with a doughnut on the way in to ensure his cooperation on our mission.

On any given day you can walk in to my house and be confronted with a militia of dust bunnies and unidentified meat product smeared under the kids chairs.

My kids have heard Eminem and Pink as much as Raffi and Barney. I yell at my kids, I don’t always give them choices, and my “nice” voice doesn’t have nearly as much practice as my “I am aggravated as shit and really tired so don't push it" voice.

I make them do chores, I make them go out side and get fresh air against their will, I let them watch too much TV, and I am pretty sure that I have permanently damaged their egos and psyche at some point in my life and am positive I will be called on it at some point in time.

So Power to the mom who doesn't wipe down the entire shopping cart, and every door knob with Antibacterial before their kid touches it, who has that extra glass of wine at night before she goes to bed, whose khakis and sweater sets have taken a back seat to stained jeans and t-shirts! We will all survive this I promise, now I have to go because I am pretty sure that CDS just pulled into my driveway...


Jill-Marie Weaver said...

All those things you just mentioned... are they bad to do? I thought they were normal- of course you were the mom 1st- so I must have kearned it all from you!!! oops- just realized Abby's sheets are on the floor! :-)

steffa said...

I am so glad to you put that in writing. For 2 reasons:

1) I always knew you did bad stuff with your kids. I feel so MUCH better!!

2) I can use it to blackmail you at a time to be determined. Maybe when the kids go to therapy? ;-)