Thursday, October 16, 2008

Guilty Pleasures

OK, so we all know that I am certainly no saint here...and since my mom felt the need to out my head lice, apparently I am a gross AND unsaintly! (Thanks Mom) But I ask you, in a world full of Spaghettio's and meat on a stick, is it so wrong to relish in those few not so nice things that you do selfishly????

I mean who am I hurting when I wait until the kids are in bed to break out the ice-cream or the popcorn so we don’t have to share? I mean, all day I share, share, share. Seriously, I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself with out having to put a ponytail in for one kid and give fashion advice to the other at the same time…talk about un-necessary multi-tasking.

In the grand scheme of things, is it so wrong to take pleasure in one of my secrets from my kids???

Marshall, (my eldest,) however, has been on to us for a while. Even when she was younger and she would smell the popcorn cooking.* All of the sudden we would hear her at the top of the stairs. She would say in her very small, pitiful, starving child voice… "I smell something yummy..." and then wait for our response.

Mind you, this could be 2 hours after she had been asleep. That kid has some sort of witchery when it comes to food she likes. It is like a cat who is sleeping somewhere in the house…you can call them 100 times, and they won’t come, but break open a can of tuna for lunch…they are at your feet with in milliseconds. (My cats can even hear it when they are outside…they come running to the door. I have never figured that one out.)

Our response to Marshall when she was younger and couldn’t roll her eyes at us was generally, "Um, no you don't, the cat must smell funny." (They slept with her.) Or even more crafty, "Are you sure you aren't having a stroke? People smell funny things when that happens..."

Now I think she is a hypochondriac, I am pretty sure that I may have something to do with that. The other night she came down stairs to look for her book, and totally caught me with my spoon in the ice-cream jug.

She was all "THATS WHY THERE IS NEVER ANY ICECREAM..." looking at me all indignant and I am pretty sure that she rolled her eyes and looked directly at my butt...

So I was all, "So what are you trying to SAY?" and she was all "What ever..."

(By the way, when did 10 become the 13 of the 1980’s???? I am not sure, but fairly positive I didn’t learn the eye roll, head tilt, “whatever”, until I was 13…or perhaps I just had a healthy knowledge of mortality and my dad until then…not sure.)

But as God is my witness, I will sneak goodies in the wee hours as long as my jeans shall fit, and I will hide it all from my kids…”let them not eat cake” I say, and I will continue this until I can be in the bathroom ALONE.

(This ought to buy me some time, because I still barge in on my mom when she is getting ready for something and stand there and talk to her…I am pretty sure that this is why she is thankful that I don’t live in NC!)

*What is UP with that smell? I can make microwave popcorn, and for the next two weeks everyone and our house smells like popcorn no matter how many times I use the pressure washer to wash them and their clothes off.


The Rabid Outdoorsman said...

Connecting your microwave to an outside outlet hides the smell of the cooking popcorn . . . then you can eat it at your leisure. :-0

If you are REALLY good you can hide a small dorm fridge in the basement and fill it with your favorites . . . bon appetite!

MOM said...

Well, let's see. As I remember it, you had extremely keen hearing, which definitely outstripped your already superior olfactory prowess. You could tell the difference between a candy wrapper rattle and the newspaper rustle from about 1/2 mile with ear mufflers on. I remember you appearing at the top of the stairs with the same big eyes and little voice ... sooo my dear ... "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" or also known as kharma!