Martha Stewart I am NOT!

OK, so I went to the store the other day and in what I can only describe as a temporary moment of insanity I bought a turkey. Not turkey breast, not turkey burger…a whole freaking turkey.

OK so it wasn't really insanity as much as I am one of those people that cannot pass up a good deal and a nearly 15 pound turkey for 6$ was one of those deals. But now...I have to cook a turkey.

I am not someone who is versed in cooking large birds, nor do I know what to do with them after I cook them. I came home the other night all "la-de-da I bought a turkey, and am going to cook a big meal for my family" and was instantly crushed by reading that it was going to take 5hours to cook the darn thing.

I believe that this should be in bold letters on the label: "DO NOT BUY IF YOU WANT TO EAT THIS WEEK." Seriously, I am too busy in my life as taxi driver of children to have something in the oven for 5 hours!

What is a girl to do? Call my mom…which is what I did.

I realize that somewhere in my youth and childhood I evidently missed the class on bird cooking 101. My mom always did a great job, so I didn’t feel the need to learn this myself. I still go away for Thanksgiving, and tend to have a ham preference at Christmas…so needless to say, when my mother started going over the pans, utensils, and cook witchery I had to master to get this bird from salmonella infested to luxuriously moist turkey roast, I thought I was going to black out.

But in my earnest attempt to save money, and be more self reliant…I am going to dive in and try to master basting tonight.

Wish me luck, and Martha can just close her eyes and shake her head…I will apologize now, because Lord knows what it is going to look like after I try and carve it! LOL.