The Dreaded Backpack

I have discovered a new black hole. I know it seems hard to believe, but it has been in my house for some time, and I never noticed it. My daughters Backpack.

I have noticed it being a little odoriferous lately, but I wrote it off to mud puddles and that gross winter school smell ...you know the one, of peculiar cafeteria meat product, wet boots and kids that don't shower regularly? I will admit to mine being one of the delinquent bathers but seriously, who wants that battle? I write it off as our water conservation methods.

THEN the other day I was forced to retrieve something from the dreaded backpack. Now I am concerned that a missing cat from down the road might be nesting in there or something. It was nasty. And if her backpack is any indication of future pocketbook storage, she is going to be in for some serious chiropractic bills.

I found shoes, lip gloss, papers, crayons, stuffed animals, books, barbies, tissues (which I used tongs to dispose of because it was very unclear whether they were used or not.) There were a few unidentified things too, that may have been petrified art projects...or lunch... or friends she brought home to play, I am not sure, but they got trashed too, and if a parent calls looking for someone, I am just playing innocent.


Somewhere between the rolled up papers, the still wet, smelly mittens, and the unidentified sticky stuff on the inside of her bag, I simply just got too scared to continue. I am not sure all that has been lost to that backpack, but I am waiting for it to grow legs and start attacking family members.

I do realize that this is probably another indication of my Wicked Awesome Parenting skills. I realize that there are those of you shaking your head as you read this, because you regularly wash out the back pack and clean the kids and stuff...well...sorry. I feel pretty good when I wash their jackets. And that is usually only when we are out and I get the real pity looks from people as though they believe that we have just crawled out from under a bridge to go shopping for some more duct tape to repair our beds.

I am sure however, that my mother will read this and laugh at me, because I am pretty sure that my backpacks were the same way... I did not receive the title of "pack rat" for no reason at all and perhaps that is where our family pets and friends came from, they too got sucked into the black hole of my backpack as a kid....BUT COME ON, DOES KARMA ALWAYS HAVE TO WIN???????