Monday, April 28, 2008

Vacation is Definitely Over

Our trek across the Eastern Seaboard has come to an end. I am pretty sure that my pants, that seem to be straining at the button, like a secret that has to be told, are fairly happy that it is.

In general I am not one to obsess too much about my diet...which is odd, because I do obsess over my ever growing ass, and one would think that I may have made that connection by now. (I never said I was overly bright!)

I tend to be of the mind set, "maybe if I run for a whole hour I can have Ho Ho's and Wine today." But none the less...I obsess even LESS (if possible) when I am on vacation. So my week of Smorgasbording, indulging, and complete laziness has come to an end, and what an end it is (as I look over my shoulder at my butt in the mirror.)

I found all sorts of excuses, "It is too hot to run in this beautiful 70 degree weather." "Southern Dogs are mean and I will get attacked."* "The people here drive too fast and I will get run over"** "I am on vacation, what am I supposed to eat squirrel?" and not the least of which was, "My body could use some rest time from so much exercise." Because I was like, you know, running marathons everyday before I left***, and because, yeah, rest from exercise does mean sitting on the couch with spinach dip and crackers resting on my belly and a beer on the side table...Doesn't that sound like rest from exercising to you??? To be honest, I think that the most exercise I got, was getting out of the car to walk to Cold Stone Creamery with purpose, to get first in line, and at least one push up should count since I pushed my husband out of the way to get to the counter. (The ice cream was DELISH by the way!)

So this morning, I got up at 5:15 (Not on purpose...but I live in Maine, and during this time of year, it gets light at like, 4 in the freaking morning, and the birds outside my window seem to think it is funny to chirp as loud as they can, so they sound like they are in my head, producing Alfred Hitchcock like dreams.) I stumble downstairs and get on the treadmill to run, (because it is only flipping 45 degrees outside here, clearly Maine hasn't gotten the call that it is time to turn Spring on.) I turn on my TEVO to the finale of "The Biggest Loser" and start my slow walk to hell.

The more I watched the finale, the more I could feel the roll above my butt shaking, and I wasn't sure, but I could swear that I may have developed a new roll that was shaking on my knees...but that could have just been the swelling from being old, and "resting" from exercise for a week. The more I felt all those bulges bubbling, the more resentful I was feeling at all those damn big losers...

But all ended well...I came up and had my coffee, with a cup of cream and a cup of sugar...because, I ran right????? and then I found this on the Onion, which I thought was kind of there you go...other people have the same Health IQ that I do!

* No offense to my Southern friends and relatives, but y'all got some mean ole dogs! and in my defense, I did almost get attacked by one near my parents house 4 years ago.
** The drivers in Greensboro NC could give NYC cab drivers a safety complex.
***Note: That was dripping sarcasm.

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