Friday, February 20, 2009

Did You Miss Me?

So here I was getting back in the saddle with my blog appetite and what happens? A quick trip to VA for a baptism turns into something from a scene in The Hitcher....(well minus the psychotic hitchhiker...and the killing and stuff...OK, so it was nothing like that, but there were plenty of gross moments...)

So it was a crazy weekend. It was great to see everyone, yadda yadda yadda. Let’s talk about the gift they gave us for our trip home…

Jamie and I were really proud of the fact that we dragged our tired butts out of bed at 4 in the morning to pack the car and wake the kids and get an early start so that we could get home really early and have a nice evening before we got back into the grind. That was the last moment I remember of happiness before the ride from HELL.

I am overly anal about packing the car…well, I have a reason…I do it RIGHT. So I had to pack the car. I put my book bag with library books, my work for the school board, my electrical chords etc… under Caroline’s feet because that was the most logical place for it until Jamie drove. (He hates anything under his feet and I was driving the first leg)

We get everyone up and Caroline looks up at me with circles under her eyes that made her look like someone had used her for batting practice and said “I don’t feel so good”

Being the over attentive, caring mother that I am… I rolled my eyes and said “You are probably just hungry because you refused to eat your dinner last night”

Yeah, I agree, this must be where I went wrong, because this seems to be when the Gods made sure that I was adequately punished.

We were on the road, bopping along nicely to my music…Lah De Dah, when Caroline says…
“Mom, I really, really, don’t feel good…”

“Are you going to be sick?”

“No, I don’t think so; I just don’t feel goo…..”

I don’t even have to tell you what came next other than the sound of water swooshing down…

Again, with the good mother routine the first words out of my mouth are not “Caroline, are you OK,” or “Poor Baby I am pulling off they were:

“Caroline, don’t throw up in my bag, open your door…open your door…”

OK, so it seemed logical to me at the moment. Looking back however, I am sure that opening the door of the moving car to projectile vomit out the side of the car…again, while it was moving, was probably not the best instructions…especially as I am swerving all over the road trying to pull off, grab my bag, and look at her and the road all at the same time…(putting on lipstick , drinking coffee and adjusting my I-pod is a piece of cake compared to this multitasking I was trying to pull off.)

I get off the road onto the side…still with the “Not on my bag, not on my bag” Finally when Jamie looks at me and says “Leia, She can’t help it.” I was slapped back into mom mode.

So here is where our decision to leave at 4:30 in the morning seemed like a really crappy idea. It was about 20 degrees, pitch black, and we were out in the middle of Montross somewhere…what, never heard of it? That’s what I am talking about!

There was a “Get n’ Zip” that was open. We pulled in the drive, of course there were no public restrooms. So we are trying to change Caroline’s clothes in zero wind chill, clean out the back seat…and did I mention I am a gagger…yeah it was lovely.

The people in the store kept looking out the window at us like we were a circus side show. I still contend they were starting a lotto to see who was going to get sick next. If the guessed me they would be right.

Jamie pulls the almighty bag off to the light to try and clean off my belongings, which he knew better than to suggest I do it…I go in to the store to buy a thing of Fabreeze and some paper towels, to clean out the car. I leave the store after spending about 10 dollars, and my first born son. When the woman behind the counter says, “Are y’all ok?”

I told her what had happened and she backed away from me saying “oh,…oh….ooohhhhhh” as though I had sneezed on her hand personally or something.

We got somewhat cleaned up, enough to get to Maryland, and daylight, and civilization before the second wave of stomach losing started. But we were prepared with plastic bags at this point. We were like a well oiled machine, and Caroline was like clock work, every two hours on the dot.
After lunch where she was sick in the rest stop she got better. Well, Kind of...Other than having rub antibacterial all over her face, hands, arms, and really just wanting to dip her in some sort of non toxic acid and escort her out with a pair of tongs. I made the mistake of peaking in on her and found her on her knees hugging, and resting her head on the seat of the rest stop toilet

The other people in the bathroom were a little confused by my frantic "Get up, Get up, Get up, oh man, that is gross...Get up" Yeah…that was a moment where I did consider leaving her there, but then was feeling pretty guilty about trying to get her to fling her self out of the moving vehicle earlier that morning so I let her stay. However, I will be real honest, I am not sure that she will ever get clean enough to get the stank of that place off her! Lol

I guess it was my Karma, because by the time we hit Connecticut, I was feeling a bit on the ooogy side. I called my mom to tell her we were almost home in Wells, and by the time I hung up the phone, and unloaded the car, I too had assumed the THP (Toilet Hugging Position)
No one else in the family has gotten it…just me and Caroline…and I still think mine was payback…

And the infamous bag? It is still in the garage, neither my husband nor myself have dared to look…the books aren’t due until next week, and the next school board meeting isn’t for a couple weeks…it can wait…I am not sure for what….a miracle rain of antibacterial or perhaps a Puke Fairy… there’s a fairy for everything else…there has to be one of those too…I think I will wait for her….


The Hokie Family Tree said...

UGH! That is an awful way to end your trip. Sorry you guys got sick but at least not everyone got sick......

JenHen said...

Dude....I am gagging just reading this. Sounds like you may need HAZMAT to come and remove the bookbag! Hope everyone is feeling better.

Country Girl said...

What a nightmare ride home! I am assuming your all better now. Thanks for sharing your story, I found myself laughing out loud a few times...the payback piece and the toilet hugging. ~Kim

roswellgahokie said...

Oh man...I feel your pain. I discovered on my last flight to visit my parents in PA that Brewer gets motion sick - He vomited many times going and coming - Nothing like a hot plane that smells like vomit. Of course, PERFECT MOTHER that I am didn't bring a change of clothing for my toddler - thinking that we're way past THAT phase... Anyway, I hope you and yours get to feeling better soon. Gross. I am grossed out for you about the public toilet thing... wow - that is some funky shit (no pun intended).
xxx ooo Rebecca

Anonymous said...

Been there done that ... the cat did us in on one long trip from Virginia and you and your sister on our trip to Nova Scotia. I think cleaning out the tent and being sick in pit toilets might come close to your experience. Of course the nightmare is now fondly remembered with many accompanying anecdotes ... including you at about 4 fainting nude into the suitcase after about 3 very dramatic pirhouettes!