embarrassment

I was writing to a fellow blogger this morning, chatting about this and that. I told her that I am slow reader and that I didn't read when I was younger because I was always embarrassed by that. But now I am not. It got me thinking, isn't it funny what we are embarrassed of at various ages?


When I was in elementary school, I was embarrassed that I wasn't as old as my sister. (I am going to refrain from any age comments here Steph, that is Jamie's job and he would be mad if I took it from him! lol) I used to always try and act older, and be embarrassed when I couldn't do something that the bigger kids could.


When I got to be a tweeny bopper, I wasn't embarrassed enough about things I should have been... like going to Boston with my parents, and my BFF Jenny and yelling "HEY TONY" in Little Italy just to see how many guys would turn around and say "hey, how ya doin'..."


Or running up behind an unsuspecting, nice looking guy, and waving to Jenny with the camera, while she took a picture of the guy, who was unaware he was now a part of a photo with a 13 year old. Or even better, I had a HUGE (it was the 80's) pair of white sunglasses that I put Chiquita banana stickers all over and wore them...regularly...out in public.


I am pretty sure I was one of those pre-teens that people rolled their eyes at every time I came around...I had a jacked up sense of humor, (and a strange obsession with drawing pictures of Beaker) and my best friend Jenny's was just as bad...we probably should have been separated by a few states...but then, where's the fun in that??? (And, by the way, we are very happy to be close together again, so that we can continue our reign of all that is not right in New England!) While most tweens are embarrassed to be seen with their parents, mine were secretly thankful, because they were probably embarrassed to be seen with me!


Then came Teenager-hood. I was embarrassed about everything. The size of my butt, the size of my teeth, my voice, my hair, my car, my house, my intelligence level (which in my eyes, was never high enough,) my life in general. This is what would forever be known in my family, as the Black Years. This would be when I got that funky hair cut where you shave under all your hair so when you put it up, you have a pony tail with a shaved head...yeah I know, it was really attractive. But to make it even more beautiful, I put so much sun-in in it, that it was platinum blond on top. I wore all black...and more black...with a few black accessories...and combat boots...even with skirts...and listened to The Butt Hole Surfers, and the Dead Kennedys, and The Smiths, and The Cure, and some random local band called the Amature Gynecologists...and thought I was DEEP. Yeah I know....I was one of those!


Then I went to college and don't remember being too embarrassed about much...but then, I am not going to go there too much, my parents still think I went to the library every night! LOL


When I got into my 30's, and as I head toward the down hill slope of them, I am less embarrassed again. I tend to have a more, well, hostile attitude toward people who think I should be embarrassed.


"YEAH I DO have cellulite AND I am wearing a bathing suit, IN PUBLIC, I had three kids...and YES I am wearing a big floppy hat because I have skin issues, and YES, I am fully aware that I am singing "Wheels on the Bus" even though my kids aren't with me...it was stuck in my head... WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?"


I was telling Justine in an email, that I just don't get embarrassed anymore. I think I finally broke when I was playing dress up with one of my girls, and she insisted that I wear my tiara when we went to the store, and I didn't care to fight, and I cared to attack the battle of her wearing her cow costume even less...so there we were walking through Hannaford, a weary princess mom, and a 2 year old cow. Yup, thanks to Caroline, my middle child, I believe I was broken to embarrassment. And I have to say?


Hallelujah! Free at last.