Thursday, June 26, 2008

Letter of Information

Dear Mr. Lowery,

I just thought I would inform you, that for the 100 millionth billionth thousandth time, you left clean Tupperware on the stove for someone else to put away…it got dirty before I realized it was piled there, as I spilled something…having to then, wash it again wasting our precious, albeit toxic, water supply in our well. Not only have you damaged the environment by wasting water, which has clearly been tormenting Marshall in her earth stewardship pursuits, but if I have to put away Tupperware that you have left on the counter one more time, I am going to put it away in a place that will not be very comfortable for your commute the next day….CAPISCE?

AND…for future reference, WENDY’S is not an alternative to real food all week just because I am working and have meetings every night…try to expand your repertoire of culinary skills….there are chicken breasts that take 10 minutes to thaw in hot water, I do it all the time, there are hot dogs and frozen hamburgers in the basement, (which I hear from the kids are one of your "Chef Jamie Specialties"), there are pork chops, there is pasta….those are easy enough, and perhaps, you may someday, even move on to vegetables….because I hear that salad is rather easy to throw together in a dish!!!!!!!!! All this would be a nice diversion from the Saturated Fat and Corn Syrup laden specialties of Wendy’s…


I love you very much…just thought I would give you a heads up that might make your life a little easier if not more enjoyable in the near future! (Not to mention prevent you from a date at the local ER with Dr. Buttocks and his forceps!)

Hope you are having a splendiferous day!
PIE


**Thus far he has declined to respond...I am assuming that the formal warning may have fallen on deaf ears...But in my defense, this was far more suitable way to address the situation at hand then the "screaming until my head popped off" way that I originally considered...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure there will be room for the Tupperware ... if he's like his father-in-law (Ahhh Freud) his head might be taking up all the room.

Just kidding J'man ... we all love ya'. Just couldn't resist.

Dante's.Inferno said...

Hellacious(sp?) and splediferous. You seriously need to make a dictionary of these words. I would gladly (well, okay, maybe not gladly) pay you money for it. One way to make my emails a bit more interesting...