I have this image thing. I have always been irritated with people who are constantly trying to portray a certain image because they are trying to be something they aren’t. Doing what ever the “in” thing is at the moment and trying to attain some standing in society through putting us all on. But this morning I started to think, don’t we all do that to some extent?
I majored in Sustainable Development and Agriculture in college; this was back when I wanted to save the world, nay, back when I still thought I could save the world. So this whole movement to whole foods and supporting your local agriculture is actually really exciting me, and getting my juices flowing. But there is a huge part of me (mainly that chip that resides on my shoulder) that doesn’t want to admit it.
It has become the “in” thing to do, and innately, I seem to run and hide from that kind of thing. Maybe it is the rebel that has always lived in me. I grew up not wanting to be just the same as everyone else, I wanted to be different. I did the whole black combat boot, “black phase” thing, (before there was a goth cool thing, trust me, I was not cool), then when I went to college and everyone was doing the yuppie thing, I did the flannel shirt and “naturific” thing, and even as a mom, I am always trying to buck the system, and not be considered “one of them”…(and to be honest, I am not really sure what that means, or that it would be a bad thing to begin with.)
I realized that sometimes we care more about out image than we do about the things that really matter. We are so caught up in portraying something with our image that the only way that we help people or do anything, is if it is going to further our “status” or the image that we are desperately trying to attain. But an image is just that. When you step away from that mirror, it no longer exists, and what you are left with is YOU. All the posturing and self importance in the world isn’t going to make that reflection a lasting thing, or change who the real person is behind that reflection.
So in my insistence not to do the “in” thing because I don’t want to be seen as just trying to fit in…what does that say about me? What am I trying to get to look back at me in the mirror?
I guess as I sprint toward my mid-life (and with my health, have probably well passed it and not realized it!) I am slowly starting to realize that my desire to not leave this earth until it is better for my having been here is my goal…and who the hell cares what someone else’s baggage and image attaining desires are? In the end, I have to turn away from that mirror, and I want to like who I am stuck with…not care whether someone else does or not.
I know, I know, I don't know WHAT was in my coffee this morning!